UPDATE: things have been going really great for the last 4 years, that is until this past Saturday. H had acted really weird, distant, kind of like when this whole MLC started back in 2005. I saw the same signs emerging again. UGH!!!!
He hasnt hardly even talked to me since Saturday, leaving very confused and I tried to talk to him and he just shut me out.
Anyway, tonight after dinner he asked me if we were going to do anything about this huge elephant in this house. I said okay what is going on.
He said that he feels unhappy again and that he is probably heading for divorce. Surprisingly, I was pretty darn calm. I learned alot from this sight the last time. He knows that something isnt quite right with himself and he said he might start C again. There is no OW this time thank God! He says that he loves me most of the time, whatever that means.
Truthfully on my part, I dont want to go through this again and I dont want a D but I dont want to live like this again. I already told him that if he wants a D he will be paying for it. I have suggested MC and he is still up in the air about that. I guess anything is possible.
He also said that is doesnt necessarily mean we will D in the end but I cant help him right now because it is his problem.
It looks like there is something, that he hasn't worked out within himself; and he knows it's him.
It looks like MLC; but it may not be the same MLC he went through years ago. This may be a different kind of tunnel; because he's not faced everything within himself.
I've seen this before, in my case, my husband had an additional issue that he tried to set aside; and not face. He was two years into his settling down process when I saw what looked like a "going backward"..but it was a different kind of tunnel.
In that process he was FORCED to face that last issue. It was a long row to hoe for me and him...it ended a couple of days ago...after six additional years; his initial crisis was three years.
Now, that does NOT mean it will take your husband that long to process whatever's left and settle himself...I just remember what I'd seen.
And, you DO understand, that its' NOT you, it's HIM; nothing you did to "cause" this.
Some of the signs you describe are very familiar to me; as I saw some of them in my husband years ago.
One positive is at least he's being open with you; my husband wasn't with me; and I had to figure out in hindsight what he was doing; and it even involved me coming back and asking a question, because I didn't understand.
Hang in there, Yellow Rose; God isn't done with you or your husband, yet.
You've learned from your journey before; and those lessons will become very important in the times to come.
Don't give up; there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a runaway train.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can very well understand you not wanting to go through this again; no one does.
It's going to be all right; trust once again in God for the outcome.
Take care.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
