Can't seem to tell what stage or what i'm doing

[Grocerykartman]

My boundary is that I'm not going to help her find or pay for an apartment.

Good Boundary. Let her do the work.

And I'm paying for that boundary right now, by her 2nd day of basically no-communication with me. Prior to this, we were quite friendly, and even went out to lunch, and talked in the evenings, etc. Now I think she is mad, and is desperately looking for a job and a way out.

I think this is no different than when your kid wants something and you tell him he or she can't have it, and then they give you the silent treatment or pout about it. You are not paying for anything, rather, you are just being presented with very childish behavior. She didn't get her way, so she's going to give her own husband the silent treatment. Very poor character on her part. You didn't do anything wrong here.

I do enjoy my bed. She really loves it though. Its a big room with a big bathroom.

If the tables were turned and you wanted to leave, would you have much respect for her if she also offered to leave the bed and give you a bedroom all to yourself?

I chose (after her 12/2010 bomb) to give her some separation by going upstairs with S5. S5 and D11 love it, D11 comes in with us too. We have started praying in the evenings together, and D11 has been pretty upset by the whole crisis. I am building a very tight bond with the kids, and even made some recent progress w/SS17. It may seem weird, but we raised our kids in our bed. S5 has only been in his "own" bed since about 1 year ago, prior he was in our bed. I don't know.. does that change your opinion at all? I really want to know.

I am not personally in favor of that kind of raising arrangement, but it may be fine for others. Regardless, it is neither here nor there for this topic. I will say, though, that it sounds like you are rationalizing to some degree here. I think you know deep down where YOU should be sleeping.

I'm going to give this some thought. The other thing to mention, is that I have asked the inlaws to move out, and they'll leave at the end of Feb, at which time W plans to move to that part of the house. So, I see this a one-more-month. I don't know. I love her, and I want to buy as much time as I can, but I don't want to be a doormat either.

I get what you're saying about buying time. Seems like a short term loss for a long term gain. Are your inlaws truly moving out then? What if there is a snafu and they don't?

Let's put it this way about being a doormat. Despite what I said above, my opinion, Mr Bonds opinion, anyone else's opinions on here really are just that, opinions. If you don't feel like a doormat whatsoever, then don't let us talk you into feeling like you are. But if that voice in the back of your head starts to whisper doormat, you have every right to reclaim your room. Your wife might be pi..ed, but she'll get over it. You can't always get what you want, most of us learn that early on, but some WAS's seem to forget that. Either way, what you feel is acceptable is ultimately up to you. I'd have been remisced though if I hadn't brought out the 2x4 in the last post.