I WILL Attain my Goals - Personal and M

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
Who knows what the lack of eye contact means. But worrying about it will drive you crazy. Look, I spend time each day doing it too. This is a horrible, nasty chess game we are stuck in. My MC, my family and most folks on this forum get on me when I start trying to figure out my W. I will tell you this though. I wish there was some way to stop it. During the two heart-to-heart talks that my W and I had last week, we openly admitted to each other that we were playing stupid games. What really haunts me is why. I think she is playing these games because she is in an EA already. I am playing these games because I am aware of the EA and don't trust her any longer. I am very scared that we will never be able to stop this b/s and we will continue to pull this crap right into the court room.

So, what do we do. We pick ourselves up, read some more of DB/DR and other books like it and keep it up. You know, the stuff we send back and forth to each other on here can get old. But what other option do we have? Divorce? Frankly, that is correct. My MC got on the me the other day. I was complaining about how much emotional pain I am in and he said, "Well, you know how to get on the road to recovery, right? File for divorce. You move on. Divorce is not final, but it will signal a change in your life. And, it will tell your W that you are finished playing games. Love me or leave me. Put the pain and the ball back in her court." Now, do I necessarily agree with him... no. But, I hate to admit I have considered it lately. I don't know why. I am just tired of living in limbo.

But don't let me rain on your parade. Try to forget about the lack of eye contact right now. Yes, there is some guilt there. I posted that my W did confess to me that the majority of the time that she was meeting with her C, she was talking to him about her guilt. Guilt from walking out on me. And she was having these conversations with her C long before her trip out of the country which gave birth to her EA.

Head up, chest out, back straight!!! You made it through another day. Congratulate yourself.

The only easy day here is yesterday!

B.I.T.S.

FOBD