"You must retain faith that you can prevail to greatness in the end, while retaining the discipline to confront the brutal facts of your current reality."
I don't think that I get your point Bond? You could be telling me to be optimistic about my W's body language... or you could be telling me that I need to better recognize the "brutal facts of [my] current reality."
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver - Just caught up on a few of your posts. I am VERY impressed on how you handled yourself. KUDOS!!! We all got your back as you know. Keep up the good work and I am going to keep up on your threads. Hope you'll keep up on mine too! I need you in my corner!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Denver, Who knows what the lack of eye contact means. But worrying about it will drive you crazy. Look, I spend time each day doing it too. This is a horrible, nasty chess game we are stuck in. My MC, my family and most folks on this forum get on me when I start trying to figure out my W. I will tell you this though. I wish there was some way to stop it. During the two heart-to-heart talks that my W and I had last week, we openly admitted to each other that we were playing stupid games. What really haunts me is why. I think she is playing these games because she is in an EA already. I am playing these games because I am aware of the EA and don't trust her any longer. I am very scared that we will never be able to stop this b/s and we will continue to pull this crap right into the court room.
So, what do we do. We pick ourselves up, read some more of DB/DR and other books like it and keep it up. You know, the stuff we send back and forth to each other on here can get old. But what other option do we have? Divorce? Frankly, that is correct. My MC got on the me the other day. I was complaining about how much emotional pain I am in and he said, "Well, you know how to get on the road to recovery, right? File for divorce. You move on. Divorce is not final, but it will signal a change in your life. And, it will tell your W that you are finished playing games. Love me or leave me. Put the pain and the ball back in her court." Now, do I necessarily agree with him... no. But, I hate to admit I have considered it lately. I don't know why. I am just tired of living in limbo.
But don't let me rain on your parade. Try to forget about the lack of eye contact right now. Yes, there is some guilt there. I posted that my W did confess to me that the majority of the time that she was meeting with her C, she was talking to him about her guilt. Guilt from walking out on me. And she was having these conversations with her C long before her trip out of the country which gave birth to her EA.
Head up, chest out, back straight!!! You made it through another day. Congratulate yourself.
The only easy day here is yesterday!
B.I.T.S.
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Thanks FOBD. I know I should analyze my W's words or actions. Hell, I've probably told you half a dozen times that we are NOT mind readers. Yet here I am trying to read my W's mind. It's so much easier seeing the big picture with others' sitch's than it is my own.
Yes, I too am tired of this chess game. It is emotionally exhausting. And most of the time, I feel that I am the only one bw my W and I who is actually playing. Most of the time it seems that she is just doing her thing and sitting back waiting for me to tire and end it.
One thing FOBD - I'm sure that your C is very good. But he obviously views his job as to look out for your best interest... not the best interest of your M. Be the Lighthouse FOBD... keep the road home for your W paved and smooth...
BITS! Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
hey Denver I second that. The more the days pass I start to see light at the end of the tunnel the less concern I am about her calling me or not. I truly want to save my M same as all of you but I realize that hangin on is emtionally exhausting. When I come home it is empty I feel so depressed but then aftr D goes to sleep I jump on here and you know what, I feel pretty good. God is great! He is not done with me or you yet!
I don't know if you listnen to country (I listnen to everything from Mozart to Metallica) but he has a song called "Unanswered Prayers" listnen to it. Sometimes our life does not make sense to us right now sometimes our plan is not revealed for a long time.
Denver or dbmod, I tried to post on my thread tonight, but the all the buttons were missing from the bottom of each post other then the "notify" button. Is my thread to long? Is 13 pages as long as they can get before I have to start another one? Do I needto start another one? Please help.
Denver, sorry to "highjack" for a minute, but I didn't know any other way to get help for this?
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Dbmod told me that she locks the threads that are too long on the weekends... Plus, she usually gives you a warning.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver or dbmod, I tried to post on my thread tonight, but the all the buttons were missing from the bottom of each post other then the "notify" button. Is my thread to long? Is 13 pages as long as they can get before I have to start another one? Do I needto start another one? Please help.
Denver, sorry to "highjack" for a minute, but I didn't know any other way to get help for this?
FOBD
Yes--the thread was locked due to size, just start another thread. I can help you link if you'd like.
Good for you! How awesome that you held it together through the whole interaction! That's great!
The eye contact thing...we'll I do that too. But, it's more of a protection thing...cause, if I look my H in the eye I'm done for. I get all emotional. It could be that, or she is not sure how whe is feeling, guilt? There is no telling w/them right now.
But, I understand your thoughts on this and the why for sure. I'm glad that you have a nice time w/you SS. I also know how you feel about missing them so much when they leave.
But, on the upside she seems to be having more conversations with you and coming around a bit. I mean, I know not the norm. But, it doesnt seem to me that she is 100% sure yall are done. So, don't give up hope just yet. I mean, if she did she wouldnt be speaking to you at all...hence, my stich.
Hang in there, I know how hard it was...my day is Thursday...keep me in your thoughts...
Prayers always to you!
Dixie
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
