The woman has put herself, and many others, through hell with this affair relationship. It was wrong, part of her knows it was wrong, but, as they say in the song, it "felt so right."
You remain committed to her and the marriage. I get the impression that you have communicated that clearly plenty of times.
Now know this.
This kind of thing is not fixed in a single stroke. And it is not fixed quickly.
It is frustrating reading through your threads and seeing how often you sought to get a decision out of her. What were you thinking? Who did you think she would pick when she was in the throes of a new love relationship? Honestly, I wonder sometimes if we even think about what we are asking.
You've seen some potentially positive changes recently. But my fear for you is that a few small positives could put you right back on the track of seeking validation and committment out of her.
It's TOO EARLY.
Enjoy the peace. Maybe find a way to stop thinking about her every single moment of your day. And please, none of this "but I love her, she is my life" stuff. That reeks of codependency and there's nothing healthy about that.
She needs space. She needs a man who remains true to who he is. She needs a man who is not going to crack when she has a bad day. She needs a man who means what he says, and who isn't going to cave and change his mind if he doesn't get a positive stroke.
You can do all of this. But your posts suggest to me that it's in your nature to push and prod. Both are killers in your current fragile state.
Perhaps the unveiling of the affair worked to your benefit. Thank god that the two of you did not decide to make it a public screening. Now, let it go.
If things eventually heal, part of that healing will be working through the wounds of the affair. If not, then it doesn't matter.
You have a shot. You've just got to get your head right.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
