Im sorry that your in this pickle! Arent we all! But, I'm glad that you are deciding and taking control of how you choose to respond. Its so easy to fall apart and flip out! LOL
But, your right on target...your taking back yourself! I'm soooo happy for your progress in that dept! Just keep it going for when he does come home.
I know that feeling your talking about, you start flipping out inside at the thought of seeing him. Im the same too. Just smile and be friendly but, do your own thing.
Hang in there!
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
I'm leaving work in a couple of minutes... just jumped back on here. He works with me. So, as soon as he landed I got to see him. He is in a bazaar mood. He called me the minute he landed. Called me again when he got to the car and asked if I wanted lunch (I didn't). Stopped in my office as soon as he got here.
The whole time, though, he was in some kind of morose mood. He had to lay someone off yesterday who was a good friend. He's done this before, though, and it didn't quite hit him so bad. So I can't figure out what is going on.
You know what I feel like right now? The best way to explain it is that someone has sent me out in a field with a target on my back. They have handed him the gun. They told me to run around as fast as I can to dodge the bullets. He's there pulling the trigger aiming for the target. I am panicking because I keep falling down and I can't scramble away fast enough.
I am there with you only my W is using Artillery cause she is so far away. Any chance of going to the movies tonight to relax? I think he is probably feeling a lot of the same emotions as you. I just refuse to believe that someone can spend 12yrs together and then one day stop caring or loving someone else.
Went to the gym. Just got home. He is still in his wacky mood. Maybe he's on drugs? I mean he acts like it. It's like he's been having his time of the month for 3 months. Who knows?
I've calmed down a little. I'll be asleep in a couple of hours so I'll just ride it out in my bedroom.
Ugh... almost through another day! Does this get easier??
Lost, I actually thought about you today when I remembered he was coming back. As I just told another member, I wish I had some words of wisdom here, but I just don't understand these people we once called our spouses. Please don't make yourself so crazy about his attitude or mood swings. I think you mentioned that he is on anti-depressants and was drinking a bit more than usual, maybe? I am sorry if that wasn't you. But, if he is on meds, that can cause some really bad side-effects in some folks that will result in bad mood swings. Google the drug name and side-effects and you will see what I mean. Some of these drugs can cause some symptoms in some patients to get worse.
I know how you feel though about your life. Each day, it's go to work, go to gym, make dinner, watch a little TV, post here, go to bed. It's not much of a living right now, but it gets us through the tough times. And each day that passes moves us closer to a resolution and happiness. Remember that.
Stay in touch.
B.I.T.S.
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Yeah, he's on Xanax and he's drinking. Bad combo. He complained yesterday that he's not sleeping. Didn't really say anything to him. He's up usually between 12 and 4 in the morning. He's been backing way off again. Today there's been very little interaction.
We did start off the day badly. Mostly because sometimes I have the complete inability to keep my big mouth shut. Snow again today. He knows I'm scared to death to drive in it, but left the house without me, which was fine. I got to work about 10 minutes after him and he said, "I didn't know you were so close to ready." Complete crap, yeah he did and that set me off. I can't stand when he lies. Anyway, I said, "no problem, we both had a point to prove." He asked what that was. I said, "I'm on my own and that's ok because I can take care of myself." He said, "that is completely untrue." I said, "listen, this really isn't a big deal." And it ended there. I wasn't snotty or mean but actually nice, but I said what I said.
Now he's holed up in his office I suspect talking to OW or lawyer. Who knows? I'll get another talking to tonight about how he's definitely leaving and it's all because of this particular incident. I pay no mind anymore. We could have 100 good "incidents" and 1 bad one and the one thing I can count on is that he'll focus on the bad one. I just can't live on eggshells anymore. It's ridiculous. He's an overgrown child. And honestly, I don't have much respect for the way he mopes around the house like the end of the world is coming. I can't understand people who refuse to take control of their lives and let them spin out of control the way he has. The victim mentality he's taken on (especially considering that these were the choices he made) has really gotten to be too much.
hey lost hang in there. Look one thing I have learn is we spend too much time wondering and thinking about what the other person is doing or thinnking. That slows us down from really doing what we need to do. We must grow and we must change not for them and not for the marriage but for us. If they see it GREAT if they don't we are better people because of it. Read my update and you'll know why I say this. God Bless
I hear you, I do. I think part of the reason we do this is to protect ourselves, get ready for the next bullet. I have to spend 16 hours a day with this man (he doesn't bother me when I'm sleeping thankfully). And every minute is another opportunity to launch his next grenade. And you plain just don't know what will set him off and when. I'm not sure I can take much more battering. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I think is wrong. Everything I believed about our relationship is wrong. Every word, action, look is wrong.
It is humiliating as people watch what is happening and know that he has kicked me to the curb. It is humiliating when he shows up to our old town, at the old bars, with the OW. It is humiliating that folks at work have taken notice of the fact that he is paying OW attention, that he is hanging out with her, that he takes his breaks with her. It is humiliating that he talks about her constantly. That he spent a weekend tracking her ride back to the northeast to make sure she had clear weather. For God's sake, his FB page has pictures of her and him and nothing of me! Yet, he vigorously denies that there is an affair.
And before anyone asks, leaving is not an option at the moment. I've been looking for another job for 3 months.
I am tired. And some moments there's no escaping this situation. And some moments I am not sure there's any forgiving this situation. I am just so angry sometimes.
Hey lost I feel your pain, god we all do. Nothing last forever
“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt”
