WAW tearing up our family

[ironMan]

Well, last night was rough. I still can't figure out if I messed up ... but I do know that I feel like I have my nuts back and that feels good.

While giving our baby a bath, she asks to talk to me for a bit. She then says that she would like to know if I thought we should get a lawyer to do a formal separation agreement. I told her, that wasn't my problem but she should do what she felt comfortable with.

Then, she got mad and said that she shouldn't have to leave the house ... and I should know that she could call the cops right now and have me removed. Well, I very firmly told her that first of all, she has been complaining about his house for years now, and she was the one that wanted out .... and I had no intention of leaving my house. IF she needed to get out to live her life, then she should go do that. It wasn't my problem or decision. I then told her that if she wanted to call the cops to have me removed, that she should do this. That too, was not my decision to make.

She got even angrier and said that everybody was telling her that she was naive and I was going to screw her over. I told her that she needed to do whatever she felt was right ... and if she thought those people were right that she might consider taking their advice.

Then, I put the baby to bed and when I came out she apologized and wanted a hug. I thanked her for her apology, declined the hug, and informed her that I was going to the gym. I worked out hard for 2 hours but felt more resolute than ever that I was just tired of her acting like a child.

I came back home, and wrote her a check for half the '09 tax return since I had told her from the beginning that it was our money. She was crying and freaking out. Then she started telling me all the ways I had screwed up the marriage. I validated all of her feelings but was firm that it was her that was bailing on our family. And I know that there had been problems but I wasn't giving up. Here is where I think I slipped .... I said "you're the one that thinks the right thing to do is leave me and split up our family ... not me". So, I put some pressure and guilt on her .... and this wasn't a good idea.

BUT, this is a 180 for me because I had been begging and pleading her to go to counseling and work on the marriage and please don't leave the house etc. Now, I really feel that I don't have a decision in that .. and if she needs to go she needs to go.

So, I know I made a few mistakes ... but I also feel really good. No more Mr. Nice Step ;-)

She has sent numerous texts today apologizing and asking me about my plans for tonight. I have thanked her for the apology and informed her that I decided to go to a college basketball game with friends tonight.

I feel good ... but I still have some fear that I am just starting not to care ... and thinking the M probably won't work so its time to just live my life and protect my interests. And that doesn't seem like the way to be married ... but I guess we really aren't all that married right now anyway.

I dunno ... feedback please??