My H and I are so much closer than we used to be. We talk; we have date nights; I ask for affection or for him to listen when I need it. There've been so many improvements. However, the area where I still fail is a doosie. I STILL can't (won't?) stay present, functioning and communicating through conflict.
Whenever it begins, I shut down. My brain turns to jelly, anxiety and fear rise, and I leave the room as fast as I can. I feel threatened. I feel scared. I feel angry. But the worst thing is, the conflict rarely gets solved. If it does, it's many frosty, emotionally distant days later. Any CBT strategies miss the mark (in the moment) because my brain is just not in functioning, reasoning mode. I just want to get the h&ll out of there.
What the heck does one do to keep your feet nailed to the floor, your brain working; your voice speaking and just stay there until you work thought it? I'm tired of silence; I'm tired of running.
FMV,
You're caught up in being hard on yourself because you have these emotional reactons. Think about specific actions or thoughts you can change that might begin to break your avoidance patterns.
Do you have faith in yourself that you can break these patterns? If so, then experiment with making changes, and see what works, and continue to modify as-needed. If not, then that needs to be addressed (lack of faith).
I think you need to think in terms of smaller steps to work yourself out of this. Staying with a conflict while it's occurring might be too big a step for now. It sounds like your H is a safe person to practice being assertive with.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
