I was still up brushing my teeth and W said something silly I disagreed with and rushed out of the bathroom and smacked her on butt - I got a realy sly sexy smile from her. She told me not to do that...but I could tell she liked.
This is an example of what I've been trying to point out about having fun. These few moments that you can grab are priceless! What would she have done if you had thrown her on the bed and tickled her until she peed in her pants? Well, she might not be ready for that much contact yet, IDK, but you could start working up to that point, couldn't 't you?
Damn, I would love too. I just hard to know which buttons to push. I actually used to smack her in butt quite often. She's acting kind of weird tonight, but I'm ok with. I'm just acting normal. I just have to remind myself that I have time on my side.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Sandi, are you kidding me. I thought you were going to chew his a** for doing something like that. I can't R talk, I can't tell her I love her, I can't hold her, I can't kiss her, but I can smack her on the a**? This is freakin confusing.
What if her reaction was just the opposite? How bad of a backslide can that be?
H-40 W-38 Together-20 Married-12 boy-7 girl-3 bomb-9/17/10 No papers live together No affair
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
You have to consider that for a few moments they were able to revert back to their playful ways. Look at these key words in bold.
Quote:
I was still up brushing my teeth and W said something silly I disagreed with and rushed out of the bathroom and smacked her on butt - I got a realy sly sexy smile from her. She told me not to do that...but I could tell she liked.
If his W can be drawn into those playful moments with him...then he has a great opportunity on his side. The next time he does something a little different and maybe he can take it a a couple of seconds farther. The key is for him to use control and not over-kill. She likes this from him, but if he was to do it too often or too long at each time, then her WAW feelings would take over her brain and she'd pull back. But he has something to work with. It breaks the awful tension in the house. Whatever can bring laughter from the WAW (that is within the M) is a good thing.
You may not be able to do that with your W. It's very hard when the couple is S and signing D papers. Nothing very funny about that, for sure. There is a time and place for playfulness.....and it has to be "real" or she'll be able to tell and it will go over like a lead balloon. Like your W pointed out....she knows you too well.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi. It wasn't planned, it was just something that happen. If she didn't react the way she did I obviously would have felt like I took a step back in DB'ing, but like I said I mixed reaction that showed me she kind of liked it.
I think what you said about mixing it up and trying to remove some of the tension is important. Last night we were home together all night and we barely talked. To be honest the only thing we talked about was D5 who has been sick throwing up for 2 days.
W seemed really upset/depressed. I probably should read too much into it, because there could be a million different reasons for it. Her aunt killing her dream, her sister telling me she's pregnant before her, sad about D5 being sick, looking at houses and wishing she move now, mixed emotions about me and M, etc.
I'm going to the gym after work so I'll be late and then I'll try to be low key at home and just watch her actions - limit conversation as much as possible. I am talking the girls swimming on Wednesday night and then hockey on Thursday, so I'm keeping busying which helps keep my mind of W, R and M.
Every chance I get I have to remind myself...I have a few months at least for her to soften.
I'm really struggling trying to decide when we should start MC...
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
SIC, I am happy you had this small moment with your W. I am sure just something as small as that felt great.
Sandi, I understand what you are saying. Believe me, I would love moments like that. The problem is, we didn't have anything like that before.
You see, I kind of married a prude. Don't get me wrong, I love my prude, but she has never been comfortable playing around or being sexy. Which is fine, I new this when I married her.
Her being this type of person is probably a good reason there hasn't been a A.
I don't think prude is probably the right word, but I hope you get the idea. There are disadvantages being with this type of person, but I very attracted to this strong morals type. I married someone I new would never have a A, because it would be so wrong in their own eyes.
It wasn't just about an A, it is just an example of who I married, the good girl.
This is why I am so stunned by her wanting a D. It just doesn't fit.
I have mentioned before about possible physical problems, or possible MLC, but maybe I am just looking for explanations.
I am not taking anything away from the wrond doings I have done in my marriage, but combining them with whatever she may have going on, may have led to all of this.
H-40 W-38 Together-20 Married-12 boy-7 girl-3 bomb-9/17/10 No papers live together No affair
Habit... sorry, I guess SIC is my hero. I got mixed up on whose thread I was on for a minute. Probably the Ambien...
SIC - That took some guts! Good for you!!!
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Well, she might not be ready for that much contact yet, IDK, but you could start working up to that point, couldn't 't you? 
