I think that the style of communication duringthe arguments plays a big role of how they weill turn out. We are still on defense/attack mode. I am working on that, trying to do my part and stop sounding as if I am ready to kill him. It isnt easy, especially since I AM ready to kill him most of the times.
I agree completely. I have to remember too, that there was a time where H and I wouldn't even let ourselves get to the point where there even was conflict. I think that's where we'd gotten to when I first started posting last spring. We'd gotten that far apart emotionally and mentally. I guess maybe because we intuitively knew that at that point, we wouldn't be able to handle the conflict; wouldn't know how to communicate our way through it fairly so that we both compromised a bit; both got some of our needs met enough that it felt 'resolved'.
So, maybe although we are in conflict more nowadays, and are not handling it well, maybe it still shows that we have moved forward to some extent. Maybe those steps forward are just smaller ones than I expected.
Regarding that defense/attack mode you mentioned with you and your H, I think CL was just talking about that pattern in his M. (? forgive if I'm not remembering correctly, CL?) He's been reading 'Hold me Tight' by Sue Johnson and I think there was something in there that addresses that pattern. Have you read that book?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I agree completely. I have to remember too, that there was a time where H and I wouldn't even let ourselves get to the point where there even was conflict. I think that's where we'd gotten to when I first started posting last spring. We'd gotten that far apart emotionally and mentally. I guess maybe because we intuitively knew that at that point, we wouldn't be able to handle the conflict; wouldn't know how to communicate our way through it fairly so that we both compromised a bit; both got some of our needs met enough that it felt 'resolved'.