New Year, New Me. Not a resolution, just is...

[seeking answers]

WS, thank you for your words. I truly hope he does not regret the beautiful children that we have. H did tell me upon leaving that he had to before he resented the kids and I. He made it very clear that the kids were mine. He said it in a way that made me believe he viewed that as my punishment for having them.

The children are my greatest blessings. I feel sorry for H and my kids that he is missing out on what great people they are and what is ahead for them. Even when he spends time with the girls they report that he is not really there.

I agree that the MLCer ends up in a very twisted world. I thank God it is something that I don't wake up in.

Mila, thank you. No where in RL right now can I find anyone who understands or accepts MLC as real. They believe I'm making excuses for H. I tell them it is NOT an excuse, but it is an explanation. I am not going to bother anymore, because my energy has to be focused on getting through the D process with what I need to live the rest of my life. I don't need to be fighting RL family and friends and my H.

Thank God for this board and the compassion and understanding I find here. Thank you all.

[punkin]

So Sorry SA, but the worst is over. Now what? You've been at this longer than me. You can contest if you feel you have to, file an answer, cross-file on a myriad of available causes. I know none of this is what you want, but, it is what it is. You protect You and Yours.

My H always liked to speak derisively of divorce and death "blood money". People fighting over money. You ought to see him now. He's the Poster Boy for Blood Mondey.

You've been a rock solid backbone here on the Boards, and so many of us want to do the same for you. Grieve, Anger, and then put it away. So much easier said than done, I know.

If there is anything I can do to help you, just ask. Give me your H's name and I'll open a website on him like in "Two and a Half Men". LOL

Just let us help if we can. ((((HUGS))))

[AntoniaB]

I'm sorry that this is happening for you. You said it was so bad that all those years of marriage had to come to this. I think the hardest thing for us to do is to get out of that mindset, the idea that a whole marriage can be "summed up" in its end. It shouldn't be. Not at all. None of what was good should ever be tainted by the bad which only really happens at the demise. But none of us can really believe that when the demise is all around us. I have a feeling that in 10 years from now, we'll all feel very differently about this idea and we'll see the divorce as a small part of a much larger whole. I'm afraid time is the only thing that fixes this.

There is a quote in a book I teach that says "great love stories aren't about how they end. They're about how they begin." I try to remind myself about that quote often.


(((HUGS)))

[job]

SA,
I'm very sorry to hear that you were served. I had hoped he would stay in his dark hole, work on himself and then think about the destruction filing would bring.

I'm here if you need anything.

[seeking answers]

IDK if the worst is over Punkin. H can be pretty vindictive when he feels he's been crossed. He will definitely feel that way when he finds out that I've retained a L instead of going with his 'plan' of only using one, his.

Thank you Punkin. You and the others have supported me so much more than you know.

Antonia, not summing up my M by it's end. I was blessed to have met and married my H. It doesn't matter how it ends up, those blessings can not be taken away from me. They are forever kept safely in my heart.

I love your quote. Thank you.

Snodderly, when H finds out I have my own representation I believe he will start to spew at me. I figure if it happens, a truth dart at this point won't hurt. I will just leave him with this thought. If what you have offered is fair then you have nothing to worry about.

Thank you dear lady, for being here.

[goodattitudegirl]

Seeking,

I am SO sorry that you were served. You are very wise to separate your H's current actions from all of the love and memories you both shared.

I figure if it happens, a truth dart at this point won't hurt. I will just leave him with this thought. If what you have offered is fair then you have nothing to worry about.

This ^^^^^^ sounds like a good response. That is one of those sideways comments that at first blush sounds like it infers that your H is being fair, but actually goes straight to the point.

(((((((Seeking)))))))))

GAG

[beatrice]

My h went ballistic when I retained a lawyer. Fortnuately a friend intercepted the spewfest,by innocently picking up the phone while I was out, and after that I refused to speak to him unitl he was civil, which led to a nice long period of quiet.

ALthough it cost a lot, it saved me the stress and anguish of having to deal directly with my very mean MLCer, and my laywer was a very nice person. She also protected me and I got a far better deal than the one my h was proposing. Which is one reason I suspect they don't want us to have independent counsel.

I am not sure that it is possible to deal with a MLCer directly in divorce proceedings. Their knowing that another pair of eyes will read all they say seems to help.

I am so sorry you find yourself here, but actually the divorce being finalised brings its own sort of relief. I didn't want it, but it seems to be part of their crazy journey for some. And here we are!

[punkin]

Seeking,

I love your quote of a 'truth dart' It's exactly dead on. That's why my H has spent such time worrying and fretting.

As for the cost of representation, you always have the "He filed first, causing me this cost" to fall back on. I'm using it. LOL

When the shock of the service is over, you can start to look at things in a slightly different light. I believe you will. You are a smart cookie.

((HUGS))

[seeking answers]

Thanks Punkin,

A new law was passed in NYS. The one who makes the most money regardless of who files pays the L's. H wins that one hands down.

I am home today. I am taking my youngest to the doctor to be checked over because she just hasn't been up to par for a few weeks now.

She had the flu about 3 weeks ago and has not bounced back. Tired and sleeping a lot.

Will contact L's when I get home and start the process from my end.

Thanks for the hugs. Backatcha!

[cat04]

Hey sweetie,

Have them check for mono. It isn't just the "kissing disease".

These flus that are going around, have been bad and hard to get over this year.

I hope she is ok.