I recently came across Al Turtle's work myself and the Lizzard part makes sense to me. Schnarch says it too ( I love Schnarch's approach) in other words. The way I read it and I think that is Sandi is trying to make a point of, is that something like what you describe sounds like an issue of SAFETY. I would call it "FEAR of".
Me and H are not where you are, judging by your description, I struggle still alot and recently, we too, had various incidents of arguments. And no, we didnt solve any of them during our "discussions". It seems we bring it up, disagree and then ... leave it behind us until we revisit and argue again about it. NOT very healthy.
I think that the style of communication duringthe arguments plays a big role of how they weill turn out. We are still on defense/attack mode. I am working on that, trying to do my part and stop sounding as if I am ready to kill him. It isnt easy, especially since I AM ready to kill him most of the times. K
