Deja vu seems a lot different this time around...

[mj144]

Well, I feel like I am in a DB purgatory. For the last 3 1/2 weeks, the W went back to being cold, methodical and distant after seeming to turn around a bit after I made the decision to move out. It took pressure off of her and then the 2x4 of me losing my job.

I was at the house over the weekend per our arrangements to be with my kids, but she stayed over on Saturday since there was a poker game across the street that had been planned for some time. As I was getting ready to leave she asks me when I was going to be home on Sunday. I can't remember if I had told her so, but she was under the impression that I was going to come back to my new place after the poker game. She of couse got pissed off that I was planning on staying at the house and tried to draw me in, but I wouldn't let her just played it off as a misunderstanding. She even thought about leaving when I got home, but she decided to stay.

I got home late from the card game and after drinking a bit I decided to snoop and read some emails on her phone. I read one particular conversation between her and her sister where she complains that I took some things from the house 2 weekends ago, nothing big, just some food items and my, MY weights and workout DVDs. She proceded to call me a loser and she and her sister made some cracks about giving me allowance or something to that efFect because I am not working. What I really wanted to see was any mention of the sitch between my FIL when he called to threaten my life, but there wasn't anything too juicy there. I know I shouldn't be snooping and it serves me right for doing so, but the insults, why? I guess it makes her feel better to belittle me to her sister.

I don't know if it is a good sign or not, but before she took off for snowboarding yesterday, she asked me about my interviews and prospects for jobs. I get a feeling in my gut that she doesn't really care for my sake, but is trying to see how much sooner she will be able to start the mediation process after I get a job. I know mind reading, but since we don't have any real conversations and I can't get any true emotional feeling from her except for contempt, it's what I do.

I don't know what to think in the aftermatch of my FIL's threats to me and how that whole disaster may have added nails into my coffin. It just seems like I have just way to many negatives to overcome that now with the added tension between her family and me, it just adds to her decision to WA from the M. How can it not effect her that her father has such disdain and contempt for me that he threatens to kill me? I don't really understand why he feels so strongly against me. I want to find out so bad what his major malfunction is. It doesn't make any sense. I guess he is just a pr*ck.

It just feels like I am not doing anything right now that will have any kind of positive effect. I know not doing anything is a DB technique, but it feels like I should be doing something proactive.