I failled horribly...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Lost, 2step, dbmod, Denver, Ots and Scared,
Thanks for staying tuned in. As we all know, yesterday was supposed to be moving day. On Saturday, my W informed me that both my FIL and MIL would be coming over. I had my concerns about that considering my recent interactions with them. None the less, I was unable to find anyone to come over and be with me while they were here, but I was going to "buck up" and go it alone. So I thought...

Around 11:30 a.m., my W called to say that they were on the way and would arrive around 12:30 p.m. I don't know what happened, but I flipped. All of a sudden, I just wanted out of the house. I jumped in the shower, got dressed and called a friend to see if he wanted to go to lunch. I wrote my W a note and left a key under the mat. I got out of the house as fast as I could.

I picked up my buddy and headed to a restaurant. By the way, this was the same buddy who got me home the night before. I took him to lunch and paid for it as thanks for taking care of me. Not to mention, it was his fence I punched and I did do some damage that I am going to have to fix. None the less, in the middle of lunch I get this call from the W concerned because she just called the house and I didn't answer. I told her I was at lunch and she freaked. "What are you doing, you left? I am on the way with the truck and now I can't get in the house. What is going on?" All of this in a voice that was not the best tone. So, I DB'ed. I wanted to rip her a new *ss for talking to me that way. But, instead I took a deep breath and asked her if she was finished. She said yes. I then calmly explained that I had left her a note and a key and that everything was taken care of. I think she was embarrassed at that point. I could tell in her tone as she thanked me. I wished her luck with her move and hung up.

What in the h*ll was that? Why did she freak out like that? I know, I know, I shouldn't even try to figure it out. Those were rhetorical questions. I know why she freaked out. SHE IS A W.A.S.!!! I read a theory in DR and then followed up on it on the Internet. It is true. WAS's have one plan. They spend months working on that "escape" plan and they then convince themselves it will work and it is the best idea. But, when that plan falls apart they quickly turn to anger and yelling. The funny part is that when we were together on Saturday packing the kitchen, I never actually said I was going to be there on Sunday. She just assumed I would be there, but I never actually said I would. I know, I made it a point not to ever clarify. She just assumed I would be there and a WAS always assumes they are heading in the right direction. I think somebody might have gotten their feelings hurt when their LBS didn't act as expected...

Here is the best part. On the note, I did follow some of my MC's advice. In a very polite note that I finished with a smily face drawing, I wrote, "I will be back in about an hour and a half. I would like to respectfully request that you and your moving party be out of the house by then. I have other plans for this afternoon that will require the house." Exactly 90 minutes after she told me they were in the neighborhood approaching the house, I got a text that said, "I am done." Oh no, did FOBD just snatch some control and take care of himself? I think he did. Funny, she texted me. Remember, I had banned all texting and she hadn't texted me in two weeks. Anytime we needed anything, it was always a phone call. I think my W might have gotten a dose of reality that didn't go down to well. Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

Oh, and you guys will love this. For the past 10 days, my W and I have spoken every day. We would talk about the household goods and the logistics of getting her moved. But the conversation would always turn friendly and we would end up chatting. I told you guys I worried this might be a set up. Well, last night, no call. Tonight, no call. She now has some money, 1/2 the kitchen and her (name) fix. I guess my suspicions were right all along. I really do hate when my gut starts telling me things, because it is usually correct. I have six weeks until I can file for the D. Since we have no children, you can file in my state six months after one member moves out. The best part is that if I file on the six month anniversary, she can't come back on me for interim support. Team, I am thinking about it hard. Very hard. For months, you have heard me go on and on here about how much I love my W and I want her back. But something hit me tonight. I think my W, the W I knew and loved, died many weeks ago. You can stay married to a dead person...

So, I headed to my mother's house for our usual Sunday family dinner. My sister showed up with my little 8 month old niece and we played together all afternoon and into the evening. My sister let me feed her and I made a laundry basket into a little racing car for her. I pushed her around the living room all afternoon. Around 9pm, she started getting cranky, so I sat with her in a rocking chair and put her to sleep in an few minutes. Next thing I know, my sister was waking me. I had fallen asleep and my head was resting on her little head. I didn't find out until later that my mom and sister were taking pictures of us sleeping together in the chair. I cannot explain to you guys how much that little girl lifts my spirits. An 8 month old child is now saving a 39 year old man. Funny how the world works, huh?

DBMod, you are right. I guess I should stop pushing for the rings, but that is the only time my W ever seems to actually act like she still cares about us. For now, I will let it go. I know, I shouldn't do these things. But I have been sitting back on my heals for months and I just wanted to show her that I can still go on the offensive should I choose. My bad..

Yes, team, you are also right. Crawling into a bottle on Saturday night was stupid. I have a bad problem with using alcohol as a release from my problems. I will also try to curb this in the future. Nothing good ever comes from it. Funny story, my buddy told me that when I was at my drunkest, I gave him my keys and my cell phone. He asked me why the cell phone? I told him I was afraid I might drunk call my W. He laughed and took it from me.

B.I.T.S.

FOBD