2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Augtan]

I am still livid too, at times. But, I spent two hours on the phone last night with a very good friend in a horrible marriage, her H has had two affairs, still sorta in one of them, but he is also a control freak, she has no peace at all. I went to bed thinking that at least I don't have to live in constant turmoil and anxiety. I have enough of it still, but it I don't wake up with that each and every morning wondering if he is lying or cheating today or with that pit in my stomach all the time. I hated living like that. I don't love my life without my XH, but love it without that feeling all the time.

I have not really contacted XH in over a week. He called over the weekend and asked me a random question, I was nice and answered, that was it. Then, today he responded to an email I had sent him about stuff (not relationship stuff, life stuff that he needed to know) and he said "thank you for the info, hope you had a good weekend". I didn't respond. I am not going to do a damn thing for him anymore. I have been kinda bitter about him and all he has done the last few days, and today took the cake, we have snow here (which I hate, I miss the south so much), I don't have a garage anymore, had to lug groceries in the snow down a path to get into my house, S15 was helping and noticed a bolt in my tire causing a hissing sound and leak...I had to get back in my truck and drive it to Walmart, tire is unfixable and I have to buy a new one...so I didn't get home to sit down with my glass of wine til almost 9 pm!! All of it just makes me mad!! I didn't choose this, I didn't want this, yet it seems me and the kids are the only ones paying the consequences, our lives had to change and XH is just running all over doing exactly what he wants with no responsibility!! YIKES!! I need a break!!

A