What should I do?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Scylla_Charibdis I'm going to write something that I have learned.
I haven't read your thread so forgive me.

In a NORMAL and healthy female/male committed relationship there is a dynamic going on.
The dynamic is this: Men are 10% emotionally based, and 90% sexually based. Women are 10% sexually based, and 90% emotionally based.

When you ML , your bucket that is full 90% and empty that 10% gets filled by the 10% she has available, and you feel connected and loving towards her.
he reverse is true for her. If you give her that 10% of emotional connection she needs, you fill her emotional bucket to 100%, and she feels connected and loving to you!

Then a happy little circle continues to go 'round and 'round and you both get what you need. This is easier to see as a diagram, so I hope I make some sense to you. If not I will describe how to draw it, if you are a visually based learner.

The challenge for you is this. I feel emotionally connected to you by doing it to you and with you acting like you like it. That's primarily how I get emotionally 'fed'. You don't have to problem solve, and you don't have to do it for hours. Although the first time I do this you're gonna wish I would stop. My need to do you will diminish the more you allow it until it becomes natural and comfortable and shouldn't require more than 5 minutes of your full attention per day.

Sorry... had to do it.

Turn about is fair play I suppose.

But.. to answer your questions.

"D'ya think you could initiate a conversation, really be involved and an active listener?"

I can listen.. as long as it is not pointing out how I am failing.

This is a situation I'm all too familiar with. You hear criticism and buzzsawing - cutting you down at the ankles. She's trying to get your attention and not in the best way. I'm having difficulty changing the way I approach things with males too.
We do that when we deal with our kids. We know you're not our children, but switching gears is a little difficult.
See, we women think we're "helping" when we do that, not really knowing we're hurting ourselves and our cause with the men we love so much.

"The let her initiate for the "no pressure part" This may take some time. I'm not saying it's an instant solution."

Is 4 years long enough?

4 years? Oh wow...no wonder you're ready to call it a day. I didn't know it was that long! In that case I think she needs to just do it, even if she's not feeling it...she then will feel like doing more of it eventually.

"Did you know the Hebrew word for love means " to give of oneself"? Can you give of yourself without asking for a return right now?"

I don't know that I knew the Hebrew. Describe "give of yourself". I don't want anything in return.

That's giving of yourself.

"If your wife's emotional bucket gets filled by seeing the children you created together with their loving Dad enjoying their presence, and interacting together, then try..."

What if my "vision" of that does not meet her expectations?

Have you asked her how she believes your interactions with your kids should look, given that you "play" with children differently than she would? Have you asked he what her expectations are?

"It's not the material things that matter here...it's your TIME."

Define "TIME" for me more clearly.

The time here would be the dedicated 20 minutes or longer you would spend focused and interacting with your kids and only your kids. Not multitasking, not texting while saying "uhmm" as you look at your Blackberry screen and dash off a text. Not being mesmerized by a screen of some sort.

Hope I answered your questions sufficiently.