Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[Queen_of_Swords]

SC, I am not real sure why you came to the MLC forum.

I came here because a) I was told there was more traffic here and perhaps my husband was having an MLC. Up until I posted here I hadn't considered it. Up until I read Cadet's links I didn't know for sure.

You seem to have made your decision regarding your sitch.

I've come to no decision yet. I'm still wavering between complete despair and hopelessness, and maybe I have a fighting chance to repair and remake a relationship that has lasted longer than anything I've done in my life, and perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You have had some very wise, long term posters write to you. And I'm not real sure you have really heard what they had to say.

And I appreciate everything they and you have offered me. I understand a bit more of what is going on. What is it you think I am missing, if you don't mind?

Here's the thing. I think it's great that you are taking action to try to heal yourself. I know how important that is. I, too, had a very difficult time being kind to myself and believing in myself. I heard my mother's voice always telling me I'm not good enough.

So,when h told me he didnt want to be married anymore, well, all I heard was, I do not want you, you are unworthy.

Exactly! and more.

And I am sure that whatever program it is that you are on will be an enormous help. But, MLC is a horse of a color you have not ever seen before.

So, I think that the people here are just trying to help you understand what it is you are dealing with.

I hear what your h is telling you. And I am here to tell you I have heard the same words. So have countless others. It is part of their script. It is part of their crisis.

My h told me 3 years ago that he was not happy, that I was not good enough, that he has been unhappy for years, that he no longer finds me attractive, that I am not worth it, etc. Sound familiar?

Much too familiar and hurtful.

He has in the last year told me many times, I am the best person he knows, that he is still very unhappy, that he wasnt worthy of me.

Now, I am much further along on this path and I know that those feelings can all change tomorrow. It doesnt really matter. I know the truth now.

My point being, only you can decide if you dont want to do this anymore. And that's ok. But you came here for some help and we are trying to help you.

I want to do what is best for me, best for the kids. Divorce isn't it, but I will be truthful, I don't know that I have the personal strength, toughness, and thick skin I need to see this through with an uncertain result. I am doubtful about my ability. Again, I thank you for responding. I'm really floundering here.

Your timeline is short for this, believe it or not.

How is my timeline short? From my understanding in reading your responses and the links provided, MLC Is a long, painful, drawn out, infuriating, multilayer process.

Now, you can certainly go and find someone else. It's your life.

We were just trying to share, as people who have been walking this path a long time, what we know to be true.

And that is, that MLC affects people's abilities to be rational. It changes them in ways you never thought possible.

Your h very well may be done. Or he may not.

And that is not what matters. What matters is that you feel comfortable with whatever decision you make.