There's an old saying...."Two women cannot live under the same roof". If you get another chance at a R, you might remember that.
But, unless you understand why they can't live under the same roof, then you haven't learned the lesson.
What's done is done and you cannot go back and change it, but if you understand what happened, then hopefully, you won't repeat it.
Sandi,
Yes I do understand that completely and have for a long time. That situation was not my choice and I was against it from the beginning. When I became stubborn was she went from asking to demanding. I felt as though she was trying to control me and tell me what to do. Pride? Yes! Ego? Yes! Wrong? Absolutely!!! Question is what now? Once you make the mistake can you change it? Can you fix it?
Yes I do understand that completely and have for a long time. That situation was not my choice and I was against it from the beginning. When I became stubborn was she went from asking to demanding. I felt as though she was trying to control me and tell me what to do. Pride? Yes! Ego? Yes! Wrong? Absolutely!!! Question is what now? Once you make the mistake can you change it? Can you fix it?
Depends upon what you are referring to as the mistake. Do you mean by not asking your mother to leave when your W "demanded"?
Since I went through some of the same thing, I can tell you that no matter how close the MIL and DIL are before they live together...they will never have the same R again. My parents tried to warn me, but I just could not imagine my MIL being anything like she turned out to be. And, they were right, we were never the same again.
I believe with the W and her MIL....they are in some way trying to be the man's fist choice. They are competitive for his time and attention. If he doesn't do what his W wants and follows his mom's advice, then it hurts the W. I don't know how to explain it well. Before M, his mother is the only woman in his life. She's used to telling him things and doing things for him. But, when he gets M, then it's the other woman's right to do that. Some are very jealous of each other. Either way, it is usually a sign of lack of confidence and where there place is with that man. With my MIL, she meant to be the queen bee and rule her grown children....and the grandchildren. I was determined that she wasn't. So....you can guess how lovely those years were for everyone!
I'm sure your mother is fine, but your W did not feel that she was first place in your heart and life. That hurt me until the day my MIL died. I'm not sure my H ever understood, even though I had tried for years to tell him how I felt.
The two of you are still young and have time to make amends. I don't know it you've seen her thread, but there was a poster who was called "Dumped for MIL".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Got a text from W tonight and this is how the conversation went.....
W "Hey I got a question for ya" Me "sure. Whats up?" W "I got the D paperwork...But did u send it all? There is nothing signed and it isn't notarized" M "The paper you got is not signed or notarized?" (I must of sent the wrong copy. That was 100% a mistake) "I only got 4 pages 1 was a letter from your attorney (I assumed that was for me the other was a paper telling me my rights and two copies of the same paper which was you intent to divorce. I sent it but I had them both notarized. I'll send the others sorry for the delay"
W I'll ask my attorney....U should have received a waiver to sign and send back... The letter should have explained what to do..At lest the copy I receieved did"
M "what's the waiver for?"
W And no what u send me was a copy...Did you read anything??"
M "Yeah I read it. I'll sign everything and send it all back"
W "Ur doing this on purpose"
M "I got two papers that where the same I assumed one was mine and the other was yours. I'm not trying to hold u up from living your life, I promise. You'll have the rest in a few days. I am not doing anything on purpose?
W "Ok (Name) do whatever....Didn't the attorney send an envelope te send them back? I can't do anything with them but take them to the attorney. But ur playing games so....I know u too well and know when ur playing innocent and playing dumb..."
Got a text from W tonight and this is how the conversation went.....
W "Hey I got a question for ya" Me "sure. Whats up?" W "I got the D paperwork...But did u send it all? There is nothing signed and it isn't notarized" M "The paper you got is not signed or notarized?" (I must of sent the wrong copy. That was 100% a mistake) "I only got 4 pages 1 was a letter from your attorney (I assumed that was for me the other was a paper telling me my rights and two copies of the same paper which was you intent to divorce. I sent it but I had them both notarized. I'll send the others sorry for the delay"
W I'll ask my attorney....U should have received a waiver to sign and send back... The letter should have explained what to do..At lest the copy I receieved did"
M "what's the waiver for?"
W And no what u send me was a copy...Did you read anything??"
M "Yeah I read it. I'll sign everything and send it all back"
W "Ur doing this on purpose"
M "I got two papers that where the same I assumed one was mine and the other was yours. I'm not trying to hold u up from living your life, I promise. You'll have the rest in a few days. I am not doing anything on purpose?
W "Ok (Name) do whatever....Didn't the attorney send an envelope te send them back? I can't do anything with them but take them to the attorney. But ur playing games so....I know u too well and know when ur playing innocent and playing dumb..."
What should I respond.......
Are you going to be able to convince her that this was an honest mistake? You know your W. I'm guessing that you won't be able to. IMO you shouldn't allow yourself to be drawn into this disagreement any more than you already have.
I'd just respond by saying "it was a mistake. I apologize. You'll have the paperwork in a few days." And no more.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm all in favor of calling over TMing or emailing, but in this circumstance, IMO, it sounds like you are falling for a trap... to be drawn into a fight. That is what she wants 2step. It will validate her wish for D.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
2step, Please be careful. She is once again trying to get you into a fight. Don't take the bait. You and I both know you made an honest mistake and that is all it was. If you speak with her, in the most calm and professional way possible, explain to her again that it was a mistake and you will correct it. If she continues to push for an argument or gets nasty with you, just tell her that you will talk to her later when she has had a chance to calm down and then hang up. Don't let her turn you into the monster she wants you to be. Good luck and hang in there!
B.I.T.S.
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie I am going to call
I'm all in favor of calling over TMing or emailing, but in this circumstance, IMO, it sounds like you are falling for a trap... to be drawn into a fight. That is what she wants 2step. It will validate her wish for D.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey guys thank you so much but none of these post showed up until I made the call lol. Here it goes....
I called.....no answer
I waited about an hour no response
So I texted her back with this "since your not answering....it was an honest mistake you'll have your papers in a few days. I am sorry."
Then went to bed. I was completely asleep and she called back after midnight. To be honest with you I almost didn't answer I was sleeping pretty good.
M "hello?" W "I am sorry I missed your call" M "Don't worry I'll be brief, It was an honest mistake but I will have the papework out in the next few days. OK?" W "Ok thank you. Sorry about blowing up on you like that. Are you sleeping?" M "Yes, that's ok just wanted to let you know that. Goodnight" W "sorry I woke u. Goodnight"
That's it. Nothing terribly exciting. All indications is that she is going through with the D. So I guess I'll have to ask myself why am I DB again? Isn't the purpose of DB to bust the divorce? Doesn't sound like I am going to make the success story list.
I will pull for the other BITS to make it! GO BITS!!
