I WILL Attain my Goals - Personal and M

[Denver_2010]

Dbmod... any chance that I can get my account fixed? I've done my time, don't ya think?...

[Denver_2010]

^^^^^^^^

[ironMan]

Sorry Denver. That is an awful moment that I have been bracing myself for as well.

But, what I think .... it that all that is HER problem. She has to find her way and you can't show her the way. You can control what you do. You and I have both screwed up before ... and we know how bad it feels to look at yourself in the mirror when you're the screw up. Well, now the WAW is screwing up. We are holding strong ... and we will make SOMEBODY a wonderful partner when we choose that .... but we are in control of who that is and when it is. We are doing this and hoping for our marriage because we want to ... in fact THEY would rather we just fought and cried and divorced them. You're the boss.

[dbmod]

Virginia is the administrator--you will have to work this out with her. I believe she is travelling for a conference. Hang in there--in the meantime, I will try to release posts within 24 hours.

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Dbmod. I understand that it is not in your control. Just frustrating for my own personal thread, but also that it makes it look like I've abandoned all of my new friends on the board.

[dbmod]

They know you haven't abandoned them.

There seems to be some warmth developing between you and W. I noticed these things you've 'bolded' abouther not looking you in the eye. Why do you see this as most significant?

[Denver_2010]

They know you haven't abandoned them.

There seems to be some warmth developing between you and W. I noticed these things you've 'bolded' abouther not looking you in the eye. Why do you see this as most significant?

I don't know really. I just found it odd.

Is it guilt over hurting me?

Is it guilt that she IS having the A that I am worried is occurring?

Is it guilt that she see me working on M when she knows that she is not?

Is it bc she's beginning to see my changes but doesn't want to, bc she's afraid to backslide on her position that M is over?

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
Despite everything, I am encouraged by your post. You really seem to be GAL'ing quite well and should be commended. Sounds like you had a good weekend despite the lack of eye contact. I think it is really cool that you and SS can get along so well and that he wants to be with you. You do realize that will have to weigh into her decision? Seriously, I know you broke down when it was all over and that is OK. It really is. But you are doing and EXCELLENT job of taking care of yourself and I am proud to call you a B.I.T.S.

I know, the OM is hard. I sit in a quiet place at times wondering if my W is texting that douche at that moment. She does seem to exhibit some signs of someone having and EA. But, I just try to put it out of my mind.

I really like the part where you weren't too specific on the concert attendees. Very nice. Two can play this game. But, remember, if she ever volunteers info, reciprocate. Always look as though you want to play nice.

You are doing great. Don't be upset that you were upset. Hey, I have broken down three or four times in the past five days. It is going to happen.

B.I.T.S.

FOBD

[Denver_2010]

Thanks FOBD. I feel that the quality of my contact with W has improved. I guess that that's a positive. And yes, SS loves and misses me. My W is just so selfish right now that I don't know how much of that plays into her thought process. And obviously, she's trying to get OM in on SS's life.

I just wish I knew what the lack of eye contact meant??

Is it guilt over hurting me?

Is it guilt that she IS having the A that I am worried is occurring?

Is it guilt that she see me working on M when she knows that she is not?

Is it bc she's beginning to see my changes but doesn't want to, bc she's afraid to backslide on her position that M is over?

BITS!
Denver

[mj144]

Denver,
All is good my friend. Keep it up with staying close to your SS. As FOBD stated, that will definitely weigh on her decision.

As far as the breaking down part. It is good for the soul. Unfortunately, with some of the medication that I am on, I have a really hard time crying. I used to well up when watching a sad TV show or movie. Now nothing. I remember watching an episode of Grey's Anataomy last year and it caused me to cry like a baby. I watched a rerun of the same episode after switching my meds and nothing. I think the crying is good for you. I was however able to let one out when I went back to my hometown and visited my dad's grave. I let out all of my frustration and sadness then, but that was already almost 6 weeks ago.

Stay strong, you are doing great!

B.I.T.S.