Thanks all, I am just determined not to let things happen TO me, which I feel has happened too often. I'm trying to figure out which direction I need to go to get me unstuck and feel truly in command of my future. Many financial and career decisions have been put off waiting on her. I realize I need to move forward as though she is not here - which she isn't.
I periodically get mad out of frustration. And yes the kid-related pokes with a sharp stick still fire me up. I don't know if that will ever go away. I am sensitive to this because if I had recognized the problems in my M, then they would not be suffering now. I now feel guilt because I spend more time cleaning up after them than playing with them.
She called me at work - still fixated on the meeting; suggesting I crafted an elaborate cut and paste email to prove my point. Delusional. Can't argue with crazy.
To WS's point, I do feel like she is moving on her position - and not in a way I like. She did say it was time for me to do something about the house. She argued that she did everything in the M. I let her rage and tried to acknowledge her feelings. She said she lost all hope - that I had not changed at all during the last 16 months. I think I did a great job of dropping the rope and letting her go on. She said she's done. I said fine, we can take the government-required kid/divorce class and move on.
It seemed to be a good-bye call. I said if she needed to file for D, she should do it. Not angry, just resigned and calm. She never actually said "divorce". Then something strange - she broke up when she responded to my assertion that I'd learned a lot. She cried a bit saying 'someone else will benefit' from lessons learned in our M.
I responded to all this saying things could be whatever we choose. She said any changes I made for her wouldn't last. I said I was not trying to change FOR her.
Anyway, I must make some changes before changes make me. I feel like I've taken up residence at the last resort. I do care a little too much about her actions, but only because I've held some expectations. I feel I can throw away those expectations along with any contact with her. It's the only real way to take the batteries out of the universal remote.
