@sg, I got over and forgave my H for the affair sometime ago. My resetfulness came from his constantly saying he could not come home. Because, he 1) couldnt forgive himself for all the crappy things he did to me. 2) he didnt want to come home because he was scared he would leave again and did want to hurt me like that ever again.
What I've learned through all this is I want to be my H partner, his help mate, friend, cheerleader....I don't want to be the boss or call the shots. I want my H to lead our home. My resentment came from....I forgave him and was scared of getting hurt...but, I loved him enough the real him to take a chance. So, when he always said the same thing yet spent week after week with me, vacations, holidays, birthdays etc....it grew...I turned from my relationship from GOD and let the anger fester!
I would think YOU have done all this and YOU cant love me enough to take a chance on me and us????
Until I blew a few days before Christmas and he walked....H and I once did a exercise in what we wanted in a partner. It was the SAME! Which confused me and the C even more. Because, he wouldnt make a move to come home and do the work...
The last month or so, he started saying things and etc. That now I look back on it was in the right directions. But, my resentment didnt allow me to see it.
So, I've been working on letting that go. In the last few days, I feel like load has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel happy even some days...crazy odd! Today, I even felt a peace a bit.
I want to save my marraige. But, I also realize that I have to use this time in my life as a oppty. for me to grow. To be better.
I would love to do the DB with you. That would mean a lot to me! So, let's get started!!!!
To my DB ing family...cause we are all family now...I praying for us everyday....GOD has our backs!
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
