The best advice I can give you is to focus. It does seem to be a theme throughout all the years you have been on and off the board. Conflicting advice is hard to navigate through--you don't want to neglect one option, you're not sure which will work best. But bits and pieces here and there, can make you (the generic you) ineffective.
So--you said you have the books, I can work with you if you choose. I'm thinking of working through the steps in DR on that forum. If you have DB, I could choose DB instead, or just with you--I've done a few years worth of Keeping Love Alive. I think it would help you just to focus.
So--to that end--IF you're 'IN'--empty your 'expert' mind. You have a LOT of marriage materials in your head. If you have gaps on the board, and you're seeing a counselor, you've also read LOTS of other materials. Some are good, some aren't so good.
So let's focus, again, IF you're in--you might not be:
Beginning with the mind of a beginner--what are your preconceived ideas about love and marriage?
What are your feelings about conflict and the relationship to your marriage--what did your H express about this? Was he ok with it, or did it make him feel inadequate, or other?
What are you and your H's definitions of love? If they are pretty dissimilar, what is the impact you feel it should have on yoru marriage?
What were your feelings about unresolved issues in your marriage?
Dix- I'll just begin with those until I find your level of commitment to the process. sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
