I thought of starting a new thread after experiencing an unusually increased number of conflicts with my H in the last while; and after reading CLs post today, I thought this might be a helpful topic (thanks for the words CL). I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this and can share their insights.
I've grown a lot in the last year and with my depression beginning to lift, I feel finally like (to use SGs words - thanks to you too, for those!) I'm getting my 'groove' back.
My H and I are so much closer than we used to be. We talk; we have date nights; I ask for affection or for him to listen when I need it. There've been so many improvements. However, the area where I still fail is a doosie. I STILL can't (won't?) stay present, functioning and communicating through conflict.
Whenever it begins, I shut down. My brain turns to jelly, anxiety and fear rise, and I leave the room as fast as I can. I feel threatened. I feel scared. I feel angry. But the worst thing is, the conflict rarely gets solved. If it does, it's many frosty, emotionally distant days later. Any CBT strategies miss the mark (in the moment) because my brain is just not in functioning, reasoning mode. I just want to get the h&ll out of there.
What the heck does one do to keep your feet nailed to the floor, your brain working; your voice speaking and just stay there until you work thought it? I'm tired of silence; I'm tired of running.
Is this a pipe dream? Are there any real couples out there who are actually able to have a conflict, and right then and there, talk until they find a solution that's mutually respectful and fulfills both person's needs? Maybe my head's in the clouds. Maybe I'm just wishing on a star. Maybe this is just not the way marriage, or life, works. I'd love to hear everyone's input.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
