I seem to be doing well focusing on me and my life these days. I know that my life is my own and that my marriage is dead. Today I'm struck by thinking about what WAS. What I believed it to be. All of the good memories, the good times and happiness that I had - all the while thinking THIS could never happent to me and to us.
On top of that there is not one friend or family member of mine that has validated my memory. I don't want to relive it all - because reliving stirs up the pain of what I feel I've lost.
What I wouldn't give for one person that has known H and known US from the beginning to reach out to me and validate that my memories are true. It's beginning to all feel like a dream......in the beginning THIS felt like a nightmare. Now as time passes it seems that I was living a lie. Hard to deal with, especially since in the end it doesn't really matter.....my past is past. What I believe to be then is gone. It's over. My M is dead. The man I loved with all my heart and soul would be happy if I were too.
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
