DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

[habitacker]

Exactly.

The problem with this is not that you don't care about what she wants, the problem is that if what she wants is to ride off into the sunset with some cowboy dream, then no, you don't care. That is selfish cr*p.

[ScaredinCanada]

Yuppers.

I've even been so blunt as to tell her that.

Then she goes into something like "Well, I want you to be happy - why don't you want me to be happy?" To which I've said, of course I want you to be happy, but based on the issues that we've dicussed and my realization of these issues I believe in time we can be happy again.

No I'm not a cowboy, and I'm not going to sit by and let her go off looking for a cowboy.

[habitacker]

I think we are both just venting. We both know that the only way we will be able to work on M is when they are ready. It has been told to us how many times?

This is one of the hardest things for me. I never thought D would be an option, and nothing would ever change my commitment. I thought she felt the same way.

[ScaredinCanada]

Agree 100%.

I'm trying to wait - but it's so much easier said than done.

I agree, we used to joke about our friends having problems and wonder who would be the first to get "D"...

In the end we look to be the first...

[habitacker]

We live in a very small town, that is why when I say looking for an A is pretty easy. With the gossip, if she farts, I know it.
We never talked about others getting D, but we were kind of known in town as having the perfect marriage. Never dreamed this would be happening.

[ScaredinCanada]

So I got home today from work, and go upstairs to get changed. My W follows me up stairs and I'm thinking in my head "Oh no, stay calm", then she says I'm not feeling well, can I lie down. I said sure I'll get dinner ready and wake you up in a bit.

She looked so depressed...is it bad if it made me feel good?

[2stepboogie]

Deep down inside in places we don't talk about I think sometimes we all wish a little of that for our spouse.

[ScaredinCanada]

So it seems like her aunt may have been talking behind her back and shooting some of her dreams down.

She asked me if she could use my computer for doing some banking, once done she then asked me to get on MLS (real estate website) and she sat there looking at houses in fron tof me.

Also, my SIL called to talk to my W but since she was lying down my SIL told me that she's pregnant. My W was pretty upset that I was the first one to know - made feel good that my SIL thought that much of me.

[punchy]

The sad part of all our situations is that we are finally listening and finaLly willing to make the effort and personal sacrifice to become the marriage partner they always wanted, but its too late!

My wife keeps saying she can't go back. I tell her that I am not asking her to go back, I am asking her to go forward and start a new relationship with me. I also told her that she has time for everyone else in the world except me. I am shut out of everything.

Keep hanging in there!

[Scared2Def]

I hate to think or say this but if there is another man, you can still only worry about you. You cannot control her actions or feelings. Just continue to do what you need to do. I am learning that as long as I try to enjoy my time each day with the kids when I get home, my evening goes better.

Of course I want to discuss our Relationship every given opportunity but she does not want to hear the pleas. I just need to keep doing what keeps me happy in these horrible times, that is enjoy my kids! And enjoy seeing her face in my house. At least I can still see her each day.