You are the best judge of your situation. In some respects we are better off emotionally not knowing about what maybe going on. For me, it was more important to know because after a year of DBing there was no improvement in our status. Knowing about an EA or a PA is a painful place but it gives you a clear understanding of what kind of person your wife has become and whether or not you still want to be with her.
My wife's OM is her former boss who is much younger than she is.
