Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[Jimbo]

I'm trying not to read too much into this beyond basic courtesy and general interest. I am of the mindset right now, that I have to take him at his word and he means what he says. He wants a divorce. Breaks my heart, but I can't do anything about it.

This is good.

....and not so good.

It's good that you are "trying not to read too much into this". This is what we mean when we're talking about detachment here, and it's key. Don't let what H says or does make you go into "expectation mode", or worse,"automatic overdrive", where you have a knee-jerk reaction to him. We all have buttons that kick off these reactions and our spouses know what they are. They will, in all likelihood, use them (or try to, depending on how far you progress) to get what they want down the road. Identifying the buttons, and really digging down deep and addressing WHY they exist so that you can change them (like Brooklyn and Cat referred to) is a big part of this.

Now for the not-so-good bit.

The bit about taking him at his word and his meaning what he says...It's okay to validate his feelings, but understand that those very same feelings are extremely ephemeral. I can not stress to you how important this concept is, and you will probably not believe that it's even POSSIBLE until you experience this phenomena for yourself on a consistent scale. They can be so changeable at times that it makes your head spin! As an example, on one occasion I was talking with my XW and saw her attitudes change within MOMENTS of each other. The best way I've heard it described is that it's like the emotions of a little baby. One moment they are pleased as punch, the next crying their eyes out, and the next into yet another different state. It's really bizarre when you are able to become so detached that you can observe for yourself how they just bounce around from one state to another without your getting swept away by your own emotional response.

I gave and I gave, I don't think there is much of me left to give, and what was given was discarded like so much trash, and I'm no Jesus Christ.

You give and give....and they take and take. This is a normal part of the process, and to be expected. (It's also an interesting barometer for us, too....Are we giving only for the expected "kickback" of good feelings and ego stroking (like a bribe), or are we giving out of true love...with no strings attached?) They keep taking because they have nothing to be able to give right now. They discount and discard what is given to them because they have no capacity for appreciating what is given, since none of it makes them "happy".....nothing does.

Always remember the MLCer's motto, SC: "This is all about ME".