You are exactly right. As for what your W is saying, sometimes people on the outside can see much clearer than those involved in the situation. I don't know you personally or your W but I bet you have opened up with us more than most in your life so therefore I know quite a bit. I don't believe what your W says, even though I think she believes it at the time. Those are words of someone who is in pain and has not taken the time to look in the mirror yet.
On your second paragraph I agree again. I believe she did feel as though she tried for years and eventually gave up. Now I see that how she could feel that way and feel exhausted from all this but did she really try? I felt when she left I had tried everything also, then I find you guys MWD and a dozen other books and realize I did not try at all. All I did was the same thing in a different way and got the same results.
On your third paragraph we are on the same sheet of music. At times I feel as though it is too late and other times I can imagine my W and talking six months from now about how close we came to jumping off the cliff. Is this denial? If it is then I am much further behind on the grief scale than I would like to be.
My biggest fear of letting go is the same as yours. When I heal and have moved on with my life IF W ever wants to try again will I want to? I know I can't go through this again. I have collapsed as a man and this grief I dare not repeat. Will I love her again? Will I be able to truly forgive? I don't know. That thought really scares me. My future without her seems bleak at times but how do I detach and still have hope? I guess at that point the burden of reconciliation is with her.
