Is the tide turning???????

[Sanderika]

Hi GAG,

I have been thinking about you in regards to the approach Missher has suggested with the approach us ladies have suggested.

The Masculine approach Missher suggests (I may be wrong)is that you move at an aggressive rate towards XH sexually.

We, the ladies, are suggesting a slower pace so's not to scare XH back inside that dark tunnel now that he has ventured a peek into the light. BTW, it's YOU standing in the light and he is finally recognizing the light is a warm comforting place, a place he wants to be in. The work begins to keep him moving forward. I don't think rushing him will do this. We have all seen time and time again where we get all pushy at the first glimpse of clarity and BANG they run as fast as they can to get back in control.

I think the key word here is "comfortable". IMO, a man who is comfortable and relaxed in his being and surroundings will be more open to creating a relationship. Your XH does not strike me as a man who seeks out one night stands. IMO, he looks for and needs a relationship that fills all his emotional needs.

GAG, you know what these needs are for XH by now. You hold the key at being able to make XH comfortable and relaxed and can offer XH a relationship where he feels nurtured and at the same time valued. Men need to be valued and they need to feel good emotionally and physically when with someone. A well rounded relationship will evolve naturally towards sexual contact.

If you dissect your evening with XH from last week, it appeared that you two had such a great time. Time flew by, the conversation flowed steadily....so much so that XH forgot to show you his iPad. This all equals relaxation and comfortable emotions and physical contentment. He was more than happy to be sitting and sharing with you.

IMO, they admire us for our resolve and ability to continue to see the worth in them. Our strength, kindness and patience is a big draw for them. IMO he still loves, respects, forgives, is still physically attracted to and can have fun with you. You work on these. You work to enhance XH thoughts that already exist in him.

Once his mind is comfortable and relaxed and he finds himself wanting to be with you either by helping you or emailing, texting, calling....TT matches with prolonged visits to restaurants....You are already on the other side of things. You need to validate XH and MAKE HIM FEEL EMOTIONALLY GOOOOOD!!!!!

His heart will follow.....naturally!!!!

Sexual Intimacy will follow that!!!! It will feel right to him and then he will consider reconciling.

This is all going to take time. You must be steadfast in your efforts. I know first hand just how gun shy they are. If you happen to have a setback (and you will) continue to move forward.
Do not appear rattled to XH. Continue to treat him well. Give it all the patience you can muster....and then add some more!!!

GAG, I hate to say this (I have to). The recent news in your X-MIL terminal illness is something you can use to build on with XH. He will need you and there is no one better for him to lean on. Be there with him sharing his mother's final days. I think you have already figured out how to bridge the connection between the three of you. Work with this.....

Her birthday is coming up....XH is bringing a cake, you need to think of something absolutely wonderful to do for her that XH will really appreciate. Show him just how you feel about THEM!!!!

You may not have time for this idea: I thought of a DVD of photos that spans her life set to music that the three of you could watch together. Something that she can watch as many times as she likes from now on......(In your posts photos seem to be important to each of them) IDK, just a thought.....

My thoughts are with you everyday as well

Stuff is happening in my sitch, I'll post an update one day soon....

Sanderika