DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

[ScaredinCanada]

Update on the sitch:

This weekend was really rough, Friday got into some heavy R talk with the W. I was trying to just validate her, but I feel like she traps me by saying outlandish things and I feel I have to defend myself. She said things like "I don't think we were ever in love, or at least not for a really long time" and "I don't believe we've ever realy been connected".

So I just proceeded to tell her, yet we planned 2 weddings, bought a house, had 2 daughters, bought another house, then had another daughter...here answer. Lots of people do that, and it doesn't necessarily mean they are in love.

I can't remember everything we talked about it got pretty emotional on both sides. After her comment about the "lack of connection" I told her I understood and that I just wanted a chance to work through the issues with her.

She made it clear she doesn't want to work on it, she just doesn't want to be with me anymore. I'm not a bad person, or a bad father - we just aren't meant to be together. She mentioned she'd been thinking about the bomb for 3 months before she actually dropped it - so she's done all of the thinking she needed.

She also said she had been trying to work on our R for the past 10+ years prior to the bomb, and that she's done trying. She's glad I'm changing but she doesn't care.

She then blurted out that she's been looking at houses, and she wants to sell our house ASAP. I'm not surprised because lately she has been packing stuff up "that we don't need" and she was talking about planning a garage sale for the spring.

I bought myself so more time, by telling her she understands that we cannot sell the house in the winter. The earliest we could list would be in April, but it would probably be best to wait until May.

I told her that this still is what I want for "US", and she always reverts back to "this isn't what YOU want, your afraid of change".

I told her about my fears, of not getting to spend as much time with the kids, the lack of "family vacations", the kids potentially blaming me for the seperation/divorce, and that I was terrified at the fact of some other [censored] guy raising my kids. My youngest is only 2!!!

That was the only thing that she seemed to respect and appreciate, was my concern that I only wanted the girls to be raised by us. I told her that I cannot predict the future, but that all of these things scare me.

By the end of it, she just said she wanted to goto bed. I told her that I would talk to her as long as it was needed - that I didn't care if it took all night. She proceeded to say "I think we should only talk in front of a lawyer or MC" this shocked me. We don't currently have a MC, and this is the first mention of a lawyer from either of us. I'm still puzzled as to where she pulled this from.

She finished by saying, "I just don't want YOU". To which I said what does that mean? I'm that horrible? You just finished telling me that I'm a good person, father and that essentially there is nothing wrong with me - you've changed. In her respond she just laughed, because again she wants someone new - she wants to feel the "dating" feeling again. When you have the butterflies and you are head over heels in love.

I hope she never finds love again...