I guess I want to get off easy, to have the past disappear and to start fresh after each outburst. The problem is, is that my outbursts are weekly, which does nothing for my credibility. My wife isn’t vindictive, and I know she wants me to change; I want to change as well. The arguing drains me, and I find it to be counter productive. I usually wake up the next morning, realizing that I’ve put my relationship into reverse, instead of moving forward.
How is it that I can’t figure this out? My wife says it’s because I don’t love her, which isn’t the case. She is an amazing person whom I adore very much. From her perspective, it must be very confusing because I flip-flop quickly. I’m really sensitive when she questions anything I do, no matter how mundane the task. She has the right to ask questions, and I have been unfaithful in the past, so I should expect her not to trust me.
A great number of folks on this forum have marital and life issues that outweigh mine ten-fold and it’s a real eye opener to read their posts. It’s sobering to read about how much pain precedes the break-up of a marriage, and then realize that I’m the cause of this pain for my wife.
I often wonder what’s wrong with me, why can’t I stop the anger and learn to communicate properly. I used to say that I never wanted to grow up to be like my Father, but I have; just an observation, not an excuse.
I know people change; they do it all the time. My marriage is at a breaking point; now it’s my time to change.
