18 Years of Marriage - Leaving in June

[Scared2Def]

OUCH, so this afternoon, wife picks me up from work we swing by grocery store on the way home. While there, I mentioned to her that 2 other couples we occasionally hang with were going out tonight. She then told me our son was having a sleepover and she could not go out but I could. I said no it would not feel right being out with 2 other couples and not having her. She said why, we are not a couple. (SHOCKED) I said what are you talking about yes we are. She did not respond but it hit deep and hard. I stuck to my guns although the drive home was difficult to say the least.

But I kept my mouth shut and sucked it up. I am sure she could tell I was upset/hurt but never said anything about it. So here I sit 2 hours later and I had to get it out. I hope someone reads this today because I certainly need some words of wisdom right now.

So my son and friend are gaming and daughter and wife are in the same room just laughing along, having fun. So I used this as my opportunity to come up here hop online and post this chaos I cal Friday!

[habitacker]

You were pursuing. You were asking her out. You set yourself up for words you didn't want to hear. Ticks me off, because when I read it, it is like my W saying it to me.

You now have heard it, and it hurts. They don't want to be with us, they are done. This is why all we can do is be the best we can be, and maybe they will be interested again someday.

We are in a hole, any guy on the street has a better chance than us of being with our W at this point. We need to be the best we can be, the problem is there isn't much we can do when it actually comes down to interacting with W. It will just make it worse.

By asking her to go out, which is basically what you did, you set yourself up. You got shot down. Don't do it again, but since you did, when she said you should go out by yourself, you should of said, "ok,cool", and went, even though you don't want to.

She said, "We are not a couple". You replied,"Yes we are". By that response you just showed her that your not listening. She is telling you where she stands, you are arguing it and trying to make her change. Sorry, but it is not only your choice to be a couple or not.

Now you know what will happen when you pursue, or try to find out how things are and where you stand. It hurts, I also found out the hard way.

One good thing can come from this though. When I learned this is what happens when you pursue, and try to find out where you stand, it made me stop doing it. I got hurt everytime.

[Scared2Def]

I kinda realized what I had done later in the evening. I hated it but oh well, no mulligans in life.

I actually slept ALL day today. It is 5 pm and I woke up, went to bed around 2 am. Nuts I know. Tonight I am playing poker with the guys over friends house so she will be alone and able to live her fantasy world of life without me. I am sure it will go well. I am bitter right now, but no one is in the house so i can use this time to let it out.

My only goal today is to have fun with the fellas and chill. Tomorrow night is football time so i will be left alone then as well. WOO HOO.

Although last night before i went to bed we did sit and talk some and had a decent time. No relationship talk.

[Scared2Def]

well, spent night with some co workers playing poker, it is 3 am, just got home 30 mins ago. First night out in a few weeks by myself. feels ok, just hate no love in my life right now. [censored] so badly

[Scared2Def]

Well today is going to be a family day to the movies to see Green Hornet. I am not sure where i should sit... Should I bother sitting next to my wife or should I make it obvious to sit away from her. Away meaning one of the kids in between.. Any thoughts?

[Scared2Def]

I am really seeing that my wife seems to over state things to help/support her position. My wife has continued telling me that the kids are afraid of me and never know when I will flip out on them. When I approach the kids or ask them if this is true, they always say "No" to me. My son has said he is no afraid of me, granted one of the first things I realized once I started my one on one counseling was my short fuse when it came to minor issues mistakes around the house. My wife sill thinks/or at least uses that excuse that I have traumatized our kids to no end and that they will never forgive me. Weird but I know this is her way of trying to justify her feelings of wanting to leave.

[Scared2Def]

We did the movies, daughter sat between us and ended up running into some friends of wife. They sat on her side. Movie was great, Green Hornet. Anyway, we are home now and wife is cooking dinner, it is almost 7pm. Get to watch some Football in a few hours so I am excited about that. I hope to avoid relationship talk again tonight. If I can, that will be almost a week with zero relationship talk!

[Scared2Def]

this morning was a normal morning. Nothing of any relavince.

[Scared2Def]

I have been reading you forum here and really can't give you much advice. But I can send you a great big HUG!!!You seem yo be DBing well. Just keep it up.

Well I made it through another weekend of DB'ing. No relationship talk with the exception of asking her if she wanted to hang out Friday with 2 other couples. I was told I stepped backwards on that one. But the rest of the weekend went great from my standpoint. I enjoyed a night out playing poker with friends and Sunday we chilled then went to a family outing at the movies, then came home and watched some Football.

So I think I did very well this weekend.

[sandi2]

I was told I stepped backwards on that one

Who told you, your W?