A slow turn

[Bolt]

just still updating.
Got great vibes on the phone and through texts from W yesterday and today.

She spent a good amount of time with her mom (who has my back). She called me to say W is way into the R and wants it to work. I think her going back home has done her wonders.

She even went out with a bunch of her HS friends since she didn't go to her 20th reunion. It turned out just as I planned. She kept saying that she felt she "missed out" on things in life because she did things the right way. She wanted to go out to a bar, have some drinks, sing karoke, go dancing. She was romanticizing it quite a bit.

Well, she went out friday night and only made it to midnight (about 9pm cali time - her home time). She had an opportunity to go out karoke and she turned it down. She essentially did what she normally would have done - it's who she is! So I wasn't surprised.

Last night, she saw all of her friends and then went to a club after. It was cool because she texted me about 12:30 (a little tipsy - so I dig that she texted ME) and said that the scene was pretty pathetic. I was out cold - not been sleeping too well so I went out early. I wasn't a great texter back but she continued a little bit.

She called the next morning a bit hungover and NOT happy about it. She didn't like to drink anyway because of the hangovers. Nothing like getting it out of your system. I tried to clarify what she meant by pathetic and she did. She said it was nothing but a ton of girls that were way to heavy to be wearing the clothes they were and only a handful of dudes that looked like mid-forty year old losers. She used the word desperate and said, glad I don't have to be a part of that scene.

That was all I needed (AND what I expected). She got to see first hand what could happen to her social life if she went through with the D (the word D hasn't come up in a few weeks either).

My therapist said that she feels the W stopped maturing past high school and that she needed to get through it. I think going back and seeing friends really helped her through it. Seeing what her life could be really sobered her up (not literally).

Needless to say, she called and texted me about 4 times today. That is unprecedented! We had great conversations and even talked about the R. She seems very willing to make it work - even though she says she's not sure it will - I say that too! BUT at least she's in the game - all I could ask.

She drove to TN to see her sis and dad. Her sis and I have gotten very close recently and she is on the side of keeping the family together - something she hasn't been on for a very long time. She has now heard the entire story and knows that it isn't just me; it's both of us.

Anyway, her sis texted me after W left (she's staying close to where her interviews are) and she told me that I have nothing to worry about. The R is going to be fine. W really needed to find herself and it seems that she is on the way to doing that. Guys, she is so much happier that she has a purpose and wants to make it work. I couldn't have asked for anything else.

I just need to stay the course on being the guy that I am becoming. Listen to what she says. Respect her. TRUST HER (sis reiterated that there is nothing going on - she just likes to text) and be compassionate and thoughtful.

Not to be too long but I wanted to add something that I did today that I feel makes her truly believe I'm changing.

She called to vent because she was driving a long distance and got turned around and went the wrong way. She only wanted to vent. The OLD BOLT (that's me when I was selfish and didn't listen or care about others) would probably have tried to fix the problem. NEW BOLT listened. He said, "That sux!" and "Aww baby, I'm sorry!"

It was amazing! She calmed down. Didn't seem stressed. Even asked about my day. I really wish I would have learned this a loooong time ago. By listening and giving the other partner what they really want, you will get a ton back in return.

Guys(and gals!), let's keep each other on the right track to stay strong and get a better life!