I failled horribly...

[mj144]

Hang in there! Dig deep. It may not feel like it now, but you ARE strong. Can't be said much better than what dixie said.

Keep us in the loop as to how things are going, we are here for you!

B.I.T.S.

[Queen_of_Swords]

I am so sorry you got hit by another blast from the universe.
I am so sorry your b/f has lost a beloved brother, whom you knew.
I understand you feel beaten down, betrayed by God and wish desperately for your friend that this situation had not happened.

This could be YOUR opportunity to shine though, if you can manage it. Be HIS rock. Be HIS shoulder to cry on right now. Sometimes in helping others we help ourselves. Perhaps that's the big plan for you FOBD and your friend.

[Denver_2010]

I'm sorry that I haven't posted FOBD. I have been off line since yesterday afternoon and it simply just takes too much time for my posts to appear anyway.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's bro. That it tough and there isn't anything anyone can say to make it better.

Keep your chin up and hang in there man. Don't give up. We are all here. Wish I could buy you a beer!

BITS
Denver

[2stepboogie]

Hey man I'm so very sorry. My grandfather who I was very close to passed away on Sunday last week. I didn't have anybody to share my pain with and my W was gone as you know. I felt so very lonely and cried almost at the drop of a hat. Then my bestfriend who is the only person besides me who has hope for my marriage ends in the hospital almost dead from a clot.

Why do I say this? Because I feel your pain, I feel it more than you might think! Remember no matter how bad it seems the sun will come out tomorrow! Just as I read your post my eyes tear because I relate so much to the pain. I don't when and I don't know how but things have to get better! I'll be here when they do and so will you.

You mentioned it was in conneticut, do you live close to jersey?

[FellOnBlackDays]

Team,
Well, I am back on the air. I wish I could say that I am in a better frame of mind, but I would not be telling the truth. I have had a tough 24 hours.

W showed around 1pm yesterday. Unlike the last two meetings, she was all business. We discussed who was going to get what and put dollar values to the items. In the end, because I am keeping much of our stuff, I had to write her a check on the spot. Unlike the last two visits, she never really showed any emotion or cried. She did hug me and thank me for being so cool about this whole ordeal and she told me she was happy that we are working this out "like adults."

I crawled in the attic, got down some boxes for her, and put them together while she began going through the kitchen. I was very generous and let her pretty much have what she wanted. We laughed a bit and talked here and there about various things. But not once did the R come up. At one point, we ran out of tape. So, I took a ride with her to the hardware store. We talked about things and carried on a like a couple while in the store. We returned to the house and prepped the furniture that she was taking today. All in all, it went well.

But I got some more mixed signals. At one point, she wanted a couple photo frames. I agreed to let her have them. She pulled the pictures out of us and left them on the floor. She found some other things in a drawer that related our M and she walked right over with complete ambivalence and threw the stuff in the trash. I died a bit inside when she did that.

On the flip side, I once again reminded her that at some point this week, she will surrender her engagement ring, wedding band and anniversary band. Then things turned. She got kind of upset like a wounded child. She began figiting with her hands and looking at the floor. Her chin kind of began to quiver and she asked me why she had to give them up. I told her that I paid for them, you are no longer wearing them and they are still worth some monitary value despite the fact that all sentimental value is gone. She asked me what I planned to do with them. I explained to her that I know a guy who is in really, really bad financial straights and can't get credit right now and that I am going to sell the rings to him for his wedding. He is getting cash from his father to pay me. I went on to explain that I will then use the money to purchase this rifle that I have been wanting for some time but would never buy because she hated guns. She really looked hurt and frankly, at that point, I didn't care. She started stuttering about with her words and pretty much began begging me to let her hang on to them a bit longer. She wanted to know why I was in such a rush to do this. I explained that she informed me it was over and I was doing what was necessary to begin my healing process as it is now time to take care of me. She began to plead with me to let her keep them a bit longer. I relented. I told her we would end the discussion for now, but I would be back to get them in the next couple of weeks. She smiled and thanked me. I think her thoughts and actions might have betrayed her a bit there. She continues to protest politely that we are through. Yet, the thoughts of her rings being gone seemed to scare the sh*t out of her. Why? Does she think she will wear them again some day? Hmmm? This did set me to thinking. Between us here, this is all a farce. I have no buyer for the rings and I can afford the rifle without the money. But, I wanted to test her to see what is really going on in her head. I have now had this discussion with her about the rings three times and it always goes the same way. She gets upset and pleads to keep them a bit longer. She knows once they are gone, they will be lost forever and I think that scares her. A good sign, maybe? I know it is wrong to mess with her like this, but if this is the worst thing I do, I think I am justified for now. I am, by the way, not the one that walked out on a 15 year R like I was leaving the grocery store.

She eventually left after about three hours and I was an emotional wreck. I had to leave the house, so I went out to my mother's house and did some work for her. We ate dinner together and I went out with my friends. Well, this is when things went from bad to worse. I know the bartender at the place where we were hanging out. She knows about the crap I am going through and she started feeding me shots and beer. I never turn away free liquor, so I proceeded to get completely blasted. So much so, that around midnight, I was puking my guts up in the bathroom and had to be helped to my car. My buddy claims I was talking about all kinds of crap while in the car. At some point, he told me I stared crying uncontrollably and going on and on about how much pain I am in and how much I miss my W. He claims I cried the entire ride home and could barely talk. When he got me home, I got out of the car and punched a wooden fence so hard that today I have numerous cuts and lacerations on my hand. I am not sure, but I think I did some damage to my knuckle that may require a visit to the doctor. I have blood all over the clothes I had on last night and I think I ruined one of my favorite shirts. Honestly, since all this crap has happened, I really have no idea who I am any more. What in the hell is wrong with me? Punching fences??? Ughhhh.

I have a monster hangover today and feel awful about what I did to my buddy. I will post again tonight with an update about how today went. I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

B.I.T.S.

FOBD

[FellOnBlackDays]

Also, thanks again to everyone for the kind words last night. You guys are so much help at times words cannot explain it. I wish there was more that I could do than just say thank you for each of you. You guys are a beacon of hope right now. This is truly some black days I am wandering through...

Your friend,

FOBD

[ots]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I will put you in my prayers, if that means anything.

[lostinscared]

Honestly FOBD, I'm surprised it took this long for you to crack. But can we please stop punching things??? I really hate to see you physically hurt. The emotional hurt is bad enough.

Ugh... Sometimes I read these stories and I would like to punch a couple of H's and W's. I think I get a bit protective of all you folks here because I see the hurt. It's all so sad sometimes.

The wedding rings are a telling sign. I'd die before my H would ever get my rings. Believe me, it would be over my dead, cold body. That she is really holding onto them is really something to me. She's balking.

Also, let's remember, that your W is putting a lot of faith in the fact that she will somehow get some healing from this new apt. I don't know, surrounded by all your stuff in her new place, sounds pretty lonely to me. I don't think it is going to work out the way she thinks it is.

Anyway, I think you did GREAT this weekend and I don't have a clue how you pulled it off given the weekend you've had. You have a lot to be proud of. You really do and we are so proud of you.

I hate to repeat myself but it bears repeating, can we please stop punching things?

Please keep us posted with how you are doing.

LIS

[2stepboogie]

FOBD

I have stayed away from drinking for that very reason. I think I have drank twice since W left the first time is when I went to Hawaii to find myself and reflect. I went out with my brother and got drunk. Called my W that night and pleaded.

Next day I woke up feeling like a jacka$$. Luckily the last time I drank some wife with a friend and ended up just falling asleep. If I drink anything I would backslide big time and would not be able to control myself.

As for punching things I bet that hurt you more than it hurt her or the fence lol.

[Denver_2010]

Wow FOBD! I've missed a ton of stuff goin on with you being so wrapped up in my own misery over the past couple of days! I'm really sorry man!

First, I just have to say that I LOVE what you did re the wedding rings. Beautiful. Do I think that her reaction definitely says that she balking? I don't know. Neither do you. Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn't think about it too much. We can't mind read and we can't control the thoughts or choices of our Ws.

Tough MC that you have there! I'm glad that you didn't take his advice though. I thought there was too much danger in escalating things. If someone is going to shoot you in the head, don't hand them the gun... that's my thought. And Lost said it well... I prefer to view myself as a peaceful beacon of light directing my W home. Read somewhere on here that we need to keep the road home paved and smooth! Good advice IMO.

I think that your buddy has some good insight and good advice. I'd keep asking him for it.

I'm not too surprised that your W was all biz today. Remember, she had been preparing for this too!! She thought very carefully about what demeanor that she wanted to have in order for her to get through it. Guaranteed. It doesn't mean that it wasn't hard for her. It was. No doubt. She just prepared.

That is why I still think that your two other contacts are more telling. She probably didn't spend much, if any, time preparing for those contacts. Maybe you saw her true emotions? Maybe that's also why she really spent time emotionally preparing herself for this weekend? Bc she didn't want to reveal herself to you again.

Your binge last night? Completely normal man. I remember in November, right after my W told me that she was moving out, she went out with some friends. I got EVERY bottle of liquor and EVERY beer that we had in the house and made it my point to drink AS MUCH of it as humanly possible! I ended up passing out on the couch watching/listening to a Roger Waters Live Concert DVD as loud as my stereo would play! I'm sure that my neighbors loved hearing Comfortably Numb echoing throughout the neighborhood at 3 in the morning! I haven't punched any fences yet, but have a 80 lb punching bag in our basement that is getting plenty of use! Don't beat yourself up too much about last night. We need to vent in our own ways. I'm just proud of you for not drunk calling your W. That's huge!

I hope that your hangover and fist is much better by the time that this post actually appears!!

BITS!
Denver