DG its hard turning things around and you do have to let go of your H for it to work.. Ok you can keep ignoring texts and things to get him to call, but all that does is lift your expectations and then you feel hurt again.. You need to start being a little more independant.
In my own situation my little cat was the love of my H's life, and he started to come and visit after she had a bit of a nasty accident, but in your case he drops the dog off for visit's. By all means have the dog to visit but make sure its on your terms and is picked up and dropped off when he agrees to, atm it does seem that he is using you to dogsit not letting you have time with the dog..
The most important thing is that you need to become attractive and elusive again, atm you are at his beck and call, you need to turn that round the other way!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Dixie, Congratulations on the contact. You see, sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest improvements. I am sooooo happy for you. I don't want to get your hope up to high, but you have made a huge step here and I will tell you why. The entire time my W hid behind the "electronic curtain," our interactions were not very good. So, when I forced her to start calling me, she had to hear my voice. She had to face the man she dumped. I think it got to her. Hearing my voice is hard on her. It makes her think. Plus, it gives me time to DB. On the phone I am cheery and friendly. Keep up the good work.
OK, whats next? What is your next goal? You have to continue to move the bar for yourself each time you reach the finish line. Spend some time this weekend working on that, OK?
And please stop driving yourself crazy with the "what if" scenerios. Don't let your mind be your worst enemy. Yes, it is hard. Believe me, I know. Everytime I call my wife at 10pm and she doesn't answer, I start to freak a bit. Just try to let that turn to something else for now.
Hang in there!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Thanks for the feedback..I always appreciate it. So, I had an amazing day today. It started off hard, like the second I opened my eyes. Then, I got up and got ready for Church. That took some doing but, I did it! Then heard an amazing sermon from our Pastor. Felt like it was just for me! Sang my heart out in Choir, then spent the afternoon walking around the old town square in the next town over. It was nice and relaxing. Took the Dog for a walk to spend what little time I have left with her.
Then I decided, I was going to put my Wedding Rings back on! I have not had them on since H left. I use to ask him to put them back on, he always said yes, but then didnt. So, I wouldnt either. I thought after I got out of church today...that was so stupid. If I want to wear them then I WILL! He can do whatever. But, until he files for D. They are gonna stay on. I'm trying to save my Marraige here! I'm in it to win it dang it!
I know that seems silly to some on here. Well maybe not. But, I just feel like I can not let his actions fuel mine.
Next, I do need to talk to him about filing our taxes and such. Guess, Ill do that next. Meeting w/C next week. She wants H to come and meet w/her and her H. They joint C and wrote the book "I DO AGAIN". They feel that they could help.
But, dont know about that one? What do yall think? C wants me to ask him? Have mixed emotions about that. I mean, I'm not suppose to talk about R right?
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
I am sooooooooooooo HAPPY that you had a great day. Girl, you so deserve it. And as far as those wedding rings go, your attitude couldn't be any more spot on.
Ugh, the dreaded C question. I wouldn't do it. A few things here: 1) Just like you said, you're talking about R when you are not supposed to 2) It could be considered pursuing 3) You are making such great strides without pressure that I would hate to see that all erased because your H feels some sort of pressure from you to do C.
Dixie, you are doing awesome and you have to feel so proud of yourself. You sound like you are glowing from your post today. Keep building on THAT.
Thank you so much! I'm trying my best for sure!!!!
So, I think I will hold back for now on the C question. I mean he has not had anything really to do with me for amonth now. Yes, he has texted here and there that he misses me and brought the dog. But, he has stayed away.
He said, in a email on FB a few weeks ago. That he loves me but, just cant keep me waiting any longer. He doesnt want to hurt me and its not fair to me. Thanks a lot right?
Anyhoo, I'm just gonna keep moving forward...I have GOD on my side and he can do ANYTHING!
Praying for us all...always!
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
So, H texted me "Are you about ready for me to pick up dog?"
Me: no answer- ignored it!
H: "Hello"
Me: no answer-ignored it!
H then called on the phone!!! That's right yall!!!! It worked!!!
I answered real cheering cause, Ive had a really good day today
I answered. He said, Did you not get my texts. I said, oh you texted just now??? Sorry, Ive so busy I didnt see it.
Then he says, Can you talk do you have someone there? I said, I can talk for a minute what up?
....
Feedback???
I think that you did GREAT Dixie... now next time, don't answer the phone and call him back a few hours later instead! Nice job though. That is DBing folks!!!
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I agree with Lost. You need to make him miss you. That is only going to happen if you continue doing things like you did with his TMs. If you pursue, he will not have anything to miss.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Dixie, it sure sounds like you are doing the right thing!
As far as overthinking - what's he doing? - that is sooo difficult. A mind is a terrible thing. I wondering mind is even worse
You have to turn that back on him. He has some interest, right? He hasn't filed and has said he "misses you" so there is something there.
I agree with everyone here and make him want you.
You do that by GAL. It is sooooo hard to do but I have to say, every time I've done that, my W has responded positively. When I don't contact, she does. When I avoid, she interacts.
Baby steps? Yep. But positive steps indeed.
Like I said, it is very hard. You want to fix this but remember it is a marathon and not a sprint. Hopefully you will be "working" on this marriage the rest of your life. Don't be in such a hurry to fix it in a day.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
