Just thought I'd start a new continuing thread. I applaud our moderators for their work in seiving through all our posts, etc. Do y'all need more moderators? I volunteer.
Nothing much has been happening, probably because my wife has been a little sick. Or if you refer to the last post from the previous thread, my wife and I might be becoming more friend-like after I practiced a few DB/DR steps during our conversation.
What randomness! Remember how my wife sent the car to the dealership for maintenance? Well, when she got it home, I noticed that the front emblem/badge was missing (my guess it was stolen while parked in their lot overnight). Anyway, my wife hollers up to my room and said she thinks the front badge is missing. I said it was probably stolen. She said now it looks junky or something to that effect. And I told her that cheap ones can be bought on eBay for next to nothing. And then she said - here's the clincher - now why do I want to do that?
One moment she mentions the car looks junky without it, but then she doesn't care to get a replacement? Say what?!?
My wife knocks on my room door (again) and tells me that she's deposited her loan money into a new account of her own. My wife wants to set up a time to discuss how to split the bills, et al. She also wants to continue discussion on how much to pay me for housekeeping "services".
I have a couple of questions:
1. Do I now take my wife's name off our current joint account? Or not a good idea? 2. Do I still refuse being paid for something I feel is principally wrong? Besides, it doesn't make any sense - she's paying me with her loan money to help pay for OUR bills.
I have a deep pocket for all y'all's 2 cents. Thanks in advance.
Still hoping someone can chime in on my questions above.
UPDATE @ 11:30am Today is my wife's day with my son, so I left the house at 8:30am. She calls me to ask if the picnic blanket is in my car, and coincidentally it was. So I came home and dropped it off. It was beaufitul day out; turns out they were going for a picnic by the wharf near our home.
As my wife and son were about to leave, she suddenly asks if I'd like to come too. I thought about it a second and said sure. Anyway, we did have a great time outdoors. Not like we never did before the separation. When it comes to our son, we always had fun as a family. However, I am curious what my wife is thinking. Did she invite me because she's starting to think that family time is important again, or because there might be a softer heart today, or both?
After we got home and put our son down for his nap, I texted my wife this: "I had fun at the picnic. Thanks and great picnic-at-the-wharf idea!". She responded, "No prob". At least she replied this time to a compliment.
That text was my risky idea of practicing some cheerleading and love language by validating her picnic idea, because one of our niggling arguments is she thinks I don't think she's a good mom.
Today I was reminded that if a divorce does come to pass, that I should and must trust that God will provide. Like the faith Abraham had in sacrificing his promised and only son to God, taking that step and believing God has best plans for us. Sometimes I may be called to do something for Him even when there may be nothing in it for myself, i.e. letting go of my marriage. I want to be God fearing, not just in it for the benefits. This gives me much hope for the future. In the meantime, I will keep on DRing and with His help, save my marriage through my own renewal.
My wife knocks on my room door (again) and tells me that she's deposited her loan money into a new account of her own. My wife wants to set up a time to discuss how to split the bills, et al. She also wants to continue discussion on how much to pay me for housekeeping "services".
I have a couple of questions:
1. Do I now take my wife's name off our current joint account? Or not a good idea? 2. Do I still refuse being paid for something I feel is principally wrong? Besides, it doesn't make any sense - she's paying me with her loan money to help pay for OUR bills.
I have a deep pocket for all y'all's 2 cents. Thanks in advance.
I think that those are both questions for a lawyer alamo. In the DB sense, I'd tell you not to do anything that is going to push her farther away. In other words, status quo IMO. But again, talk to a lawyer so that you also protect yourself here.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Sorry Alamo. I have been off the grid most of the weekend and just now saw your questions. Plus, my post probably won't show up for 12 hours or so. Frustrating for me.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
No worries about the delayed responses, Denver. That's why I'm trying to volunteer myself to help with moderating. Different people in different time zones can help lessen the work load.
As for the lawyer suggestion, well, I would like to, but my financial situation is preventing me from affording one.
I just found something odd about her other account. Anyone with banking background can probably tell me why. i had this idea that she would be having an account completely separate from our joint, but I was checking our online banking, and her new accounts are listed together with our joint accounts. So basically with our current online login I can access her account records too. What gives?
What randomness! Remember how my wife sent the car to the dealership for maintenance? Well, when she got it home, I noticed that the front emblem/badge was missing (my guess it was stolen while parked in their lot overnight). Anyway, my wife hollers up to my room and said she thinks the front badge is missing. I said it was probably stolen. She said now it looks junky or something to that effect. And I told her that cheap ones can be bought on eBay for next to nothing. And then she said - here's the clincher - now why do I want to do that?
One moment she mentions the car looks junky without it, but then she doesn't care to get a replacement? Say what?!?
Fairly new here, but off the top of my head this scenario reminds me of two things I read in DR:
1. Don't sweat the small stuff. It sounds like she may have been looking to pick a fight with you or find a reason to get mad at you. Sounds like you didn't give her one....which is good.
2. Only believe half of what your angry spouse is saying to you. Since she has that wall up, she's going to say a lot of things she normally wouldn't...you can't get provoked by them, which you didn't, but you also need to work on letting things slide internally. Just know that she's in an altered stated right now, and write it off as such when she says things like that.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
