I WILL Attain my Goals - Personal and M

[Denver_2010]

You ARE going to have feelings of hopelessness. I agree that you need to allow yourself to feel that. But I have to say that there is a big difference between hope and expectations. You need to find a way to move on with no expectations, but being the believer that I am, I would never give up on hope. Now, you may hope for different things going forward, but never lose your hope. This is over when YOU say it is over. I know the sting of the OM. My H is away this weekend hanging out with OW. It is painful. But my faith and my hope are in things unseen. They are with God. He will lead me down the path that I am supposed to be on. This is the same for all of us. You need to look within yourself and understand what you are hoping for right now. If you are hoping for the pain to go away, then work towards that and end this. If you are hoping for restoration of your marriage, then you are going to need to work your way through this pain and deal with the fact that you are going to stay here for awhile. But its all about what you choose and what you want.

Thank you Lost. I have had a very difficult weekend and it has been comforting to know that there are people here who understand what I am going through.

I am hoping for restoration of my M. I know that I am going to be in this state of pain until either, I can truly detach with love, or until my W forces closure by forcing a D. I do need to forget and give up my 'expectations'. It is my expectations that set me up for a fall this weekend.

The likelihood of a long-term relationship lasting with OM is small. Her history is with you. Problems will most likely develop and the question is will you be around when they do. I think that FIL's words are quite revealing. Maybe your W and OM haven't cut off contact, but that doesn't mean that the mystery and the newness of that relationship isn't wearing off. No matter what, that relationship between those two will always be tainted and most people have a very hard time dealing with that and overcoming it. So the question is, are you willing to be there when this fantasy of hers comes crashing down in pieces. You have to make that decision. And no one here will judge you whatever you choose. For me, I have a major trust issue right now and I don't believe a single word out of my H's mouth. I'm not sure if I can make it through that. But that's me. Go over to the piecing forum. There are awesome stories over there where people were able to build that trust back.

I think that I started making some major assumptions yesterday when I was posting that I was sure that the relationship bw W and OM had progressed to R and/or PA. The only thing that I know from the events of this weekend is that he is still a part of her life. I had had this 'feeling' over the past several days that this R had either died down or gone down the tubes altogether. I was wrong. That is what caused me to crash. But I don't really know what is going on bw the two of them. EA definitely. Other than that, who knows.

I agree that the chances of that R working out long term are low. I guess one's definition of 'long run' is relative, however. It seems like forever for me already. For now, I am in this for the long haul. I want to be true to my inner self who meant every word when I proposed to my W and when I spoke my vows to her.

Put your hope and faith in God. Keep it there and no where else. Work the program. Do what you can do to GAL. Do NOT put additional pressure on yourself because you didn't meet some ideal about GAL'ing or DB'ing or anything else. Do the best you can and take stock in your successes. And if you decide to move on, then be proud of what you have already done.

I pray for your peace.

LIS

Thank you again. I am trying. I am rooting for you success here too.