Yes, I remember clearly what you told me. All is not well in his world. I try to remember that. And I must remember that I have to keep db'ing. Sometimes I can't stand him hurting and I do what I can to stop him from hurting. But one of my 180's has to be to stop coming to his rescue. He needs to stand on his own two feet.
He's called several times today already. I'm nursing yet another migraine and trying like heck to hide it from him. Given that he's got a spy in the house, not sure I'm going to be able to do that. He's pissy that I stopped one of my preventative medications. The stuff makes me depressed and given my situation right now, I really don't need to be helped along that path.
Yes, the computer thing is just downright hysterical. Everyone in the house is kind of wondering what I am up to. It's kind of driving them all crazy. Be mysterious, right? Well, I've got that one down. In my dating days, one could never really figure out what I was going to do next. Kind of like that right now. I'm on the computer constantly. When I'm not on the computer, I'm at the gym for a couple of hours. Of course, no one really believes I am at the gym for that long. Especially since he sends his spy in there. So where am I? I'm also on the phone a lot with friends and family. That is NOT like me at all. I HATE the phone. When someone calls, I go into the bathroom and talk. He's constantly showing up in the room and knocking on the door asking if I'm talking to him. And the constant stupid grin on my face has really got them all guessing. 2 times at work last week, it was mentioned that I was "glowing." Lord, if they only knew.
Of course, in my dating days, I was at a bar somewhere getting into some kind of trouble. These days, I think drinking is probably something I should stay away from right now. Plus I'm getting too old for that scene. I don't think I'd ever survive the way I ran 12 years ago
Gotta keep going. Not sure if it's working or he's feeling more relaxed that I am accepting of him walking out. Time will tell. I am getting better at detaching. I am also becming more comfortable with the idea of being alone. That part, I know, scares him. Unfortunately, he knows that I have the ability to walk away from someone and never look back. He watched me do it before. Not sure if he's prepared for it or looking forward to it.
You know as much as I accuse H of being all screwed up, I have to tell you that I pretty much am too. Can't figure out what I want anymore.
