In April we will have been married 4 years. We have no kids. I am 24 and my wife is 25.
Long long story short, I think I have a WAW coupled with two affairs. My wife is also currently deployed to Afghanistan, and gets home in about two months.
Short story longer: I was a video game addict. I have a strong desire to be the best in whatever I set my mind to, and to do so in video games you have to put in the time to practice. I spent more time playing on the computer than spending with my wife and it made her feel worthless. Like I loved a video game more than her. I of course know otherwise, but as one of the principal points of this site/book state: it's the actions that matter.
Both of us are in the military, and I deployed to Afghanistan about Feb last year, and during that time she didn't have any friends. So she went on a group motorcycle ride put on by a local forum, and met a guy. She had an affair with him. I returned from Afghanistan in late May, and it was still continuing but I knew something was different about my wife. My wife volunteered for a deployment to Afghanistan, and the training started in July.
I knew we were having a tough time in our marriage, and I really felt like she was running away and not giving me a chance. She left for training at the beginning of July, and met another male. They began their affair, and the first guy rode down to spend time with Julie, found out about the other guy, and "broke up."
My wife came back from training, completely different. Ie. massive life changes. She was completely secretive about everything, she was always on her phone, she even started smoking. She hated smokers. So two days after her being back, I blew up. "What is going on?" her reply "I don't want to do this anymore." "What do you mean?" "I don't want to be married anymore." and I proceeded to break down. Two days later I found out about her affair through text messages on her phone.
Since then I have been trying to be the loving husband that I think would win her back.
I completely quit video games in Sept, deleted all of them in November and made a Facebook post about it. (but didn't ask my wife about if she had read it or not, I know she had to have). This change I made for me, I actually joined the Air Force to give them up, but it took me 5 years and the threat of divorce to make me go through with it. I'm proud of myself for making it happen though.
Her mother, as well as my own both know about the affair (singular). I only recently found out about the first guy, because he approached me two weeks ago and said "Yea, sorry. I lied to you. <Wife> and I did have sex." So I've confided in my Mom about that, not her's.
I have received extremely limited contact with my wife, two phone calls since she left in Sept. Her last email to me was in Nov, when I told her that our mothers knew and it said "If I had even been thinking of making it work, you just killed it." I exposed it based upon some advice from others, and was expecting her to say that.
We chat a few times a week, but I have been mostly successful about not bringing up the relationship, although I slip about once a month when my emotions take over. Lately our chatting has been better, the conversations are more two ways.
So my questions to y'all: What should I do? (see what I did there?) She is deployed, and I am having trouble setting up some 1-2 week goals to measure success by. What could be some goals for me?
