Thanks so much for the inspirational words, they do mean a lot. I do the best with GALing as I can. The gym truly is my refuge right now. I spend a lot of time on here and talking to friends. There's more I need to do, but I allow myself the time and space to kind of feel my way through it.
When H is around, I am the picture of peace and happiness. I don't pursue any longer nor do I jump to answer the phone or a text. I try my best not to ask him for anything and just do for myself. I know that part is bothering him a little bit, but it's more about me understanding that I can do this on my own if I have to. I am trying not to let fear guide my thoughts and actions.
I almost tripped up today. When H called to tell me how he was hanging out with OW last night (he still thinks he's convinced me that nothing is going on), I almost freaked. I can't tell you why because I knew exactly where he was, but I was having a bad reaction. I just moved his story on and kept my mouth shut. I know he noticed that I hesitated and I will try to work on that a little more.
What's interesting is that he's decided to come home a day early. When he called this morning, he first txt'd me to see if I was awake. I didn't respond. Then he called, I didn't answer. Then he called again. He's definitely turning towards me more. I just can't figure out why. I've been warned about this by others, though that I need to stop trying to figure out the why's. I just am not very good at that right now.
Anyway, thanks for the words of wisdom. It really means a lot especially someone who's been at this for so long. You really are the picture of patience and love.
