I am so sorry for what you are going through and the weekend that you are having. I can't imagine the pain that you are going through right now but please know that we are praying for you and your peace.
You ARE going to have feelings of hopelessness. I agree that you need to allow yourself to feel that. But I have to say that there is a big difference between hope and expectations. You need to find a way to move on with no expectations, but being the believer that I am, I would never give up on hope. Now, you may hope for different things going forward, but never lose your hope. This is over when YOU say it is over. I know the sting of the OM. My H is away this weekend hanging out with OW. It is painful. But my faith and my hope are in things unseen. They are with God. He will lead me down the path that I am supposed to be on. This is the same for all of us. You need to look within yourself and understand what you are hoping for right now. If you are hoping for the pain to go away, then work towards that and end this. If you are hoping for restoration of your marriage, then you are going to need to work your way through this pain and deal with the fact that you are going to stay here for awhile. But its all about what you choose and what you want.
The likelihood of a long-term relationship lasting with OM is small. Her history is with you. Problems will most likely develop and the question is will you be around when they do. I think that FIL's words are quite revealing. Maybe your W and OM haven't cut off contact, but that doesn't mean that the mystery and the newness of that relationship isn't wearing off. No matter what, that relationship between those two will always be tainted and most people have a very hard time dealing with that and overcoming it. So the question is, are you willing to be there when this fantasy of hers comes crashing down in pieces. You have to make that decision. And no one here will judge you whatever you choose. For me, I have a major trust issue right now and I don't believe a single word out of my H's mouth. I'm not sure if I can make it through that. But that's me. Go over to the piecing forum. There are awesome stories over there where people were able to build that trust back.
Put your hope and faith in God. Keep it there and no where else. Work the program. Do what you can do to GAL. Do NOT put additional pressure on yourself because you didn't meet some ideal about GAL'ing or DB'ing or anything else. Do the best you can and take stock in your successes. And if you decide to move on, then be proud of what you have already done.
