SC, I was thinking about you and wanted to write. Please forgive me, but I havent read the entire thread. | I wanted to tell you about me a little. I had to, to say the least, a horrific childhood. One in which I was made to feel unwanted, unloved and worthless. I allowed my h to make me feel unworthy.
As you said, hear all that enough times, and you start to believe it. And I heard it for almost 50 years, first from my mother, then my h.
I no longer believe it..
I tell you this because a very large part of why is this process.
I do not believe that this path or the people on here are telling you to change your core person. Uh, uh, no way. And you surely should not change as a means to get your h back.
While most of what my h said when I got the bomb was not true as I saw it. I realized, over time, that some of it was most definitely true. I was dependent and needy and insecure.
And the truth is, while it was important to realize how I got that way, I knew that what was more important was that I no longer wanted to be that way.
I had to dig really deep to see what my contributions were to the problems in my marriage. While I did not see this coming, as time went on, I realized that there were issues I didnt address.
So, I figured out what things about me I wanted to change. Not as a means of getting h back, but, really and truly for me.
My friends on here challenged me, they poked and proded and wouldnt let me off the hook. It was a long, arduous process. Not for the weak of heart.
Soon, I was no longer looking over my shoulder to see what h was doing. I was looking ahead at me becoming the person I was meant to be.
I am not perfect. Far from it. But, I know who I am. I like who I am. I have a long road ahead. One that will be filled with many challenges.
But I thank God for putting these people in my life and for giving me the strength to hang in. And I thank my h. While I wish he didnt do what he did, the way he did it,but I would have still been stuck where I was and might never have become who I should be.
So, you can walk away and cut your losses, if you choose. You would not be the first.
You can dig in and see where this journey takes you.
I see in you someone who is willing to work hard, someone bright and insightful and a fighter.
You can see where this takes you. You have nothing to lose. But, oh, man, what you might gain.
You lose nothing by putting your marriage safely away for a time. Until you can make a decision from a place of real strength and understanding.
Either way, we will support you and wish only the best for you.
