Newbie- Very Lost- Not Sure where to start

[tdb68]

Just found this board and joined. Here is my sitch, sorry to be so long, but first time posting, wanting to give as much background as possible. My wife and I have been together for 21 years, married for almost 19. Patterns just keep repeating themselves. S12 and S 13, separated first time 8-2002, after much turmoil post 911. Got back together 10-2002. Seemed good until 3-2009 when I discovered W- having EA. Went to MC for months and then first bomb 9-2009, when she WAW, she disappeared with our boys while she had one of my "friends take me out for the afternoon", so much for friends. Sitch had been escalating since I found out about the EA, which may have also been PA, lies after lies and I kept getting angry looking for the "whole truth", until she walked out. Took turns living in the house until 11-2009, when I moved back in (to the basement), going to keep trying for the kids. Continued going to MC the entire time, and then found two other courses "A New Beginning" and Marriage Fitness, went through both of them, one in 12-2009, next in Jan-Feb 2010. Now can live in the same house as roommates.. 3-2010 found what we thought was a "breakthrough", went through another course "Dynamic Marriage", from 3-2009 through 5-2009, seemed like everything was better than ever. Back to sleeping in the same bed, vacations together (two of us and the family), we had built a real team atmosphere, lost my anger, tried to forget the past. Life was great. Then, I made a Grave error on 12-30-2010, W and I at a party at the "friends" house who betrayed me and snuck me out of the house 15 months earlier so that my W could take the kids and walk away. This friend and my W disappeared at the party together for 30 minutes, and I completely lost my cool when they returned, yelled at W, and took a swing at "friend". (I know, not the right way to handle sitch). Life has now gone back to where we were almost a year and a half ago, wanted me to move out again, has not come near me, ice cold. We agreed to stay in the house together, since the last separation was so hard on the kids. She agreed to not do anything for 30 days, (D Day coming 1-31). We are getting along fine as friends, she asked me to move to the basement, won't sleep in the same bed as me, but now she sleeps with me on the opposite couch every night... anyone like to comment on that?? We went to lunch together and shopping on Friday, watch TV together, can play Scrabble together, yet, she has brought up the big D twice in the last two weeks?? Cook dinner together for our family, eat together as a family...I just found this site and ordered Divorce Remedy, and Divorce Busting books, which one should I read first (as soon as they get here)? I am not willing to give up on this, starting going to MC myself again immediately, wife says she won't even consider it, now I have completely shut up and don't say a word about the R. Just not sure where to start and am not really sure if she is going to push for the D on the 31st. Taking care of myself and shutting up about the R were the things I learned last time around.. Any comments from anyone on here would be very welcomed.

Thank you all..