I have done everything wrong....

[Grocerykartman]

Islander,

I was where you are (more or less, and more like more) about this time a year ago. You end up thinking there is NO way this could ever work out now, all is lost, that's it, sayonara, and oh god, what am I gonna do? It seems like you'll never feel better and everything just keeps snowballing on you. I can identify with the feeling very well, and in fact, of all the posts I've seen on here, your sitch is the most like mine was, though I never got into posting until way beyond where you are.

Things do get better, and beleive it or not they will with HER too down the road, as long as you keep the love in your heart and can forgive. This does NOT mean you openly express that right now or even in the near future, again the pursuing thing. The worst times are when you get a new shock, like what you found out today, and just want to do knee jerk reactive things like have all her stuff waiting by the door. You could show her such anger, but that will just make her feel worse and cause her to withdraw more, like dixie gal said above.

Best thing to do right now is go exercise or get out of your house or take a long walk, even if you're in a cold climate right now, and just let off some steam....safely. Don't project ultimate gloom and doom on this right now, just take one day at a time...it certainly feels like she isn't coming back but you don't know that. It just seems so far off your radar right now it seems that way. Let things take their course, don't assume you know the future.