My Story - He Cheated while I was Pregnant

[AJM80]

Hi -
Married in 2004, after dating since 1999. A few short breakups through college and one big breakup before deciding we were going to relocate together and he proposed. He instigated the breakups.

After our daughter was born in 2008, we were very close emotionally, very happy, but started to drift apart. He quit his job and started grad school when she was 3 months old. I felt I had to go back to work to keep our family debt down. He stopped being physically affectionate and started pushing me away. I resented having to work like crazy in a job I was going to quit, but now needed to keep for benefits and flexibility with his schedule and the baby's. One light in all this was that we were going through this in order to relocate and be closer to our parents/buy a house finally/fufill some of our mutual goals.

In Nov we found out baby #2 was surprising us and coming a few years ahead of planned (I wanted 3 kids, husband wanted 2, but after the 1st had made a few comments about just having 1, since the one we got was so sweet and perfect).

The summary of what happened in the last year - he met with his old company at a school event and got a lot of crap for "quitting such an awesome job to go to school" from classmates. He started to decide he did not want to leave NYC. He started not to be proud of our family and hardly told anyone we were pregnant. He was angry when I said I didn't want him to buy something (like $80 jeans or taking a really expensive class ski trip (NOT a family trip - just leaving me with the baby, pregnant, working, and him going off with a bunch of random people for a week and spending several thousand dollars we did not have)). I fully supported another trip he went on for 2 days with classmates to meet a famous investor and it was a last minute flight/opportunity, so I was not a shrew about everything. We still ate out and went to see our familiies on trips. He was surprised about the baby, like me, but very sweet and supportive for the first few months. I was morning sick frfor months and miserable/happy.

We thought he would know last NOV about a new job, but he found out in Dec/Jan that most of the places hired in March/April for the area that he wanted. He struggled with a crazy schedule last spring - he took 19 hours of classes to "get the full experience" and interviewed, and did a couple clubs, and had a wife nd kid at home. He went to a strip club at the end of April. Went to a hotel room and tried, unsuccesfully to have sex with her. they started sexting and talking and internet chatting. He "did not pay her", but at the end of May started meeting her in hotel rooms, having unprotected sex. She was also doing this with several other men, usually protected.

In Sept we moved into a rental house, he started working at his old compnay, and I figured out he was cheating on me. In Nov he moved out. I found out later that he was still sleeping with her and he told me "I'm, in love with her, we're dating, she's still stripping, I think I can help her, she doesn't know I am married or have kids". I had gone to counselling with him, recorded all the details of this for filing divorce, etc. He said ILYBINILWY, etc. comes to see the kdis 2x a week. Walks into our house, texts me sometimes, calls to talk to the kids, drove us back to our parents for Christmas, but we did not celebrate it together. There's more...I just need to take a break from typing and see what you guys want to know, think here. I've been trying to take care of myself. I look nice when he comes. Sometimes I eat dinner with them, sometimes I go off and do my own thing. I've been a friendly person in this. He's a real mess and going to a psycho therapist on his own next week. I would have liked to stay married forever, I see how we both just got overwhelmed and lost sight of each other. I just don;t understand how he can say I'm his best friend, then turn into a lunatic who throws away everything for someone who was "just sex" a few weeks ago. We're 30. The stripper is 20. Neither of our parents are divorced and I do not think he's ever cheated before, other than chatting a girl up in an airport before our last breakup before he decided he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and what was he waiting for.