I failled horribly...

[FellOnBlackDays]

B.I.T.S
Well, every time I think life can get any more cruel, it proves me wrong. In a post from last night I detailed how a very close friend of mine spend most of last night with me emotionally holding me up. He said some wonderful things to me about myself and my W and my M. He went on and on about how I shouldn't give up because me and W are two wonderful people who deserve each other. This guy has been my rock, my friend and my legal counsel since my W so selfishly walked out on me four and 1/2 months ago. Every time I have been down or alone, this guy has always volunteered to drop whatever he was doing and take me out of my negative environment. Tonight, he and some other friends were going to take me out to see a local band that I really like. My friend will not be able to make it tonight...

He called me this morning to inform me that his brother and only sibling died in his sleep from a massive heart-attack at the age of 48. He will leave behind a beautiful wife, two lovely children and a beautiful home. His brother was a good guy who I had gotten to know over the years. I am devastated. My friend spent all night propping me up while his brother was hours away from taking his last breath.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SH*T IS HAPPENING! This is my good friend. He gave up his night to help me and this is how God or fate pays him back. BY TAKING THE BROTHER HE LOVED SO DEARLY????? Right now my heart is so filled with rage and anger and disappointment, I can barely think. I am just sitting here typing with no purpose and crying uncontrollably. Damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His brother was a good guy, a good father and a good husband. This IS WRONG! ALL WRONG!!

I now have to go shower and get ready for my W to get here at 1pm to start our "fun" day together. How can I have any faith in this world? How can I care what in the hell happens to anything any more??? The funeral is in Connecticut and I can't even be there for my friend. Please, dear God, please make this stop!! I am begging you. I can feel myself losing this battle and I am not sure I really care anymore....

FOBD