just some thoughts from B

[Augtan]

I just want to tell you all that I appreciate you sharing all this and all your thoughts. I guess, as weird as it is, it makes me feel better to know that all the things my XH said have been said by so many others H or XH's on here, verbatim. It is like a script they read from, it is spooky to me at times.

I am studying Abnormal Psy right now, the chaper I am reading in the textbook is discussing how when a person has a severe trama in their childhood (their example is the death of a parent, which my XH's mom died when he was 8 yrs. old), it is almost a guarantee that when this child is an adult they will have some mental illness, most commonly depression. Now, of course, there are exceptions to this rule and that is all laid out too, and they talk about other triggers that will cause it, such as a parent leaving, never attaching to a parent even if they are present, a parent with an addiction, etc. My XH had almost all of those things happen to him. And, although they don't use the term "mid-life crisis" the describe it to a "T" and say that is what happpens to a large majority of people who go through one of the above mentioned triggers. But, how these people handle their issues or what we call "MLC" is not the same but very much relates to how severe the event of the childhood was and how it was handled when it was going on. We all know all this, but it was so reassuring to read it in a textbook.

I knew about my XH's past and all he went though, but had no idea it would end up with him doing what he has done, as I am sure none of on here thought this would happen to us. I pray daily for my XH and for God to take his pain away and heal his heart, let us love him the way he deserves and needs to be loved, because he has been through enough and I just want him to have peace and love in his life. I can't do anything else to convince him or help him, but I can pray for God to do the things I can't. I don't excuse what my XH has done or think that because he had a bad childhood he has every right to do what he has done, but it is the reason, just not an excuse.

A