I have done everything wrong....

[dixiegal]

Islander,

Sadly, I have been in the very same boat as you. Sadly, still am. But, when H left the house in 2006 it was aweful. I too needed additional income to afford the house. However, I had already been in the works to transfer across state. In the beginning, I did not want to leave the house either. But, I could not afford it and I could not afford the stress it was causing. So, I put it on the market and let it go...it was SUPER HARD to do. H cried when I took the Realtor papers to him to sign. But, that empty house became a nightmare for me. It made things worse for me...it was too big and I was scared all the time and etc. It was no longer my dream home anymore...

I know the stage your in now. That is not a option now. You cant even think about that. But, if you start feeling like the house is becoming to depressing you could rent it out and get a apt or something. Just a suggestion.

As for when it comes time to discuss the bills. Its gonna be real hard..it was for me too. I cant hardly recall it now..cause, I was still in a state of shock. But, I knew I couldnt afford everything. So, I did say to H, that these bills are still his responsibility rather he lives here or not 50/50.

You are down right now, they know this and sadly dont really care because its all about them. So, you have to look out for you even if you feel like you should be taking care of her. I know I say this....when I was so bad at doing it myself. It doesnt mean you dont love her and dont want her. It means that she is not on your side right now...you and GOD are.

Im glad your reading your bible too. I do too, Ive been trying to find the right C for me. I attend church, in choir and am trying to surround myself w/peaceful GOD fearing folks.

I understand your pain and I know you look back and are beating yourself up. I do too. But, GOD has already forgiven us. So, have to forgive yourself for your part. The good news is YOU will never make those mistakes again.

Keep working on yourself and refrain for the pleading and etc. Trust me it NEVER works...they dont care, it make them feel worse, which makes her stay away even more.

If when yall are doing the bills you feel your fixing to get real emotional. Excuse yourself and go the restroom away from her. Pray for GOD to give you the right words and to calm you. Then go back out and finish up with her.

Im praying for you...Good luck