I have done everything wrong....

[islander]

I woke up today to an extremely empty house, you know how it sounds empty when you move around or close a door. Depressing to say the least. And I say woke up, but it was more or less laying in bed thinking about how much this [censored].

Every once in a while I find some strength to control my thoughts and I tell myself that I can do this and I will be ok. Not very often does this happen. I find it so hard to not think about everything I just lost, and how 6 months ago I had everything and did not know it was slowly slipping away. That is the hardest part for me, knowning it did not have to be this way. I did not have to be here right now.

I am reading my bible every day, as well as the purpose driven life. I am trying to put all of my faith in God and know that what ever happens was meant to be. It doesn't take the pain away, and I don't believe that it should.

We exchanged several text messages today about our kids and some property she took that I wanted back. I was strong and just kept to the issues. She said she would have my SD call me when she left this morning. It did not happen. I wanted to call or text but did not.

I still don't know what to do about Tuesday. She said she was sorry for leaving the house a mess and was going to help me put it together when she gets more of her stuff. I know what I need to do, but I am afraid I am going to talk about R.