Scared and Alone

[FellOnBlackDays]

Lost,
Sorry to hear about all that. Remember, our WAS's are going to waiver. Just keep telling yourself that he is as dumbfounded and confused right now as you are. It took me four months, but I have finally, finally come to peace and embraced that fact. I talked with my MC today about this and he is proud of me. You need to work toward that goal. For a very long time, I had convinced myself that my W was out living it up since she left me. But after a much closer look at things and after really listening to the things she has told me over the past two weeks, this just isn't so. I keep notes each week about our interactions and I bring these notes to the MC each week. He is totally and completely convinced that, behind closed doors and out of view of me or the general public, she is probably a basket case that is in some serious denial. And the worst part is that I agree with him and now worry about her and her state of mind. You might want to do the same.

Heck, at times, I have found myself starting to feel sorry for her. Why is this important? Because when she waivers, I just tell myself, "poor (name), she is in trouble and I can't help her." I then take control of the emotional darkness that I can't see through. Is this kind a trick on your own mind? Yes, in a way. But, it keeps me from spending too much time torturing myself about her behavior. Yes, I still give myself fits at times, but this exercise helps. Give it a try and let me know.

Thanks for thinking about me this weekend. I think I would rather have my finger nails pulled off with vice-grips then go through this. But, then again, we don't get to pick the battles life throws at us.

Push on, my girl, push on. Try to do something for you this weekend while he is away. Go treat yourself to a day at the spa, get a massage, enjoy a nice meal with a friend, or go into a public place and just strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger. I actually do this from time to time and it is really amusing how it ends. Yes, sometimes I get a weird look and a rude push off. But, at least twice I have ended up talking for quite a while to very interesting people. And, you know what? During that time, I rarely if ever think about my crappy sitch or my W. Good luck!

B.I.T.S.

FOBD